white dress in a field of wheat

Summer, Story, Self

2009-05-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

I need a genius idea for a storyline so I can write a book this summer. I need something thrilling, groundbreaking, touching, and powerful. Any ideas? There should be a website where you can steal plotlines and then write books based on them. It wouldn't be too bad of plagiarism, right?

Right now I'm drinking a white chocolate coconut iced coffee and sitting outside, listening to the sounds of a peaceful summer night. It would be 153 times better if I had someone to share it with. Someone who could just sit in silence with me, someone who understands me. I'm not distinguishing between genders in my head. A girl would be just as welcome as a boy. Just someone.

My summer thus far has consisted of: running a 5k and getting 2nd place in my age division, sitting outside at a picnic, sitting in my room all day, running random errands, and also sitting in my room all day. And I've been sitting in my room a lot.

I was randomly thinking tonight and I will indulge you, dear reader (all one of you or something like that), by letting you in on my thoughts. Don't run screaming for the hills yet. This is just a scenario that I would love to be in right now:

I am sitting on a sailboat, probably near some tropical island. I am on a journey on this sailboat, just me and another person (okay, this time I am choosing between gender; it would be nice to have a man along), and we are just going wherever the wind takes us. The sun is setting, of course, and I am drinking a nice iced coffee, flavored white chocolate coconut probably. It is still and peaceful and every once in a while a dolphin breaks the surface of the waves next to us. We have brought nothing but food and beverages and stacks and stacks of good books. We also have a sweet sound system that can play whatever music we want to listen to at the moment. I'm thinking classical would be a good choice considering our surroundings.

Lame? Probably. Realistic? Not at all. Heavenly? Most definitely.

I think the thing I'm most sad about and feel most deprived of this summer is my lack of someone I can be spontaneous with. Like for instance, right now I would totally be up for going to the beach and doing cartwheels in the sand until the beach patrol kicked me out, but it's totally lame to go by yourself and besides, my parents would veto that idea pretty quickly. Or it would be fun to go up to the mountains at night, or even during the day to explore. But again, not really that fun by yourself. My partner in spontaneity, aka the person who I know would do these things with me, is currently in the Netherlands. Seriously, in the Netherlands. I'm really happy for her because this is such an awesome opportunity, but I'm sad that she's not here this summer. Maybe I'll go swing at the park by myself sometime.

I miss Fresno. I miss my friends. Summer is sad.

Surprise

2009-04-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was getting close to being worthy of God's love, I fall down again. And then I'm reminded that I can never be worthy.

I'm almost done with school for the year. I don't think I've ever been this happy to be getting out. I will miss Fresno dearly--my friends, my community, my life. But I'm ready to be back in the familiar, to find those well-worn footholds in my life, and to be completely turned upside-down in surprise once again. Things are never like you remember them. People change, circumstances change. I'm not 16 anymore, which in and of itself is a blessing and a curse. I go home to feel comfortable, but when I get there, there's a piece of it that's not home anymore. I don't fit in. I feel awkward and restless in this familiar skin I'm forced back into. I'm not that way anymore, but I can't tell if I'm sad about that or not. I've changed, but life at home hasn't. I'm the same as I've always been, yet things are so different at home. I don't know how these things can co-exist, but they do. And they wreak havoc with my carefully laid plans. But then again, plans never seem to work like you want them to.

I have a dream, a vision for my life. I think that's one of the most dangerous things I can have right now. I know exactly how my life is going to turn out and exactly what I'm going to do. That's when God loves to step in and show me His plan, full of love and joy and hope and peace. But I turn my back. I'm confused. What's the plan again? What do you want from me, God? A little clarity would be nice. I don't know where His plan starts and my plan ends. I don't know when I've made something into something more than it should be because it fits my vision for the future or when God has given me the green light. I pray--my prayers bounce clumsily off the ceiling. I open my Bible--and I learn that Aheiras begat Goehsin. Illumination is nowhere to be found, yet there is a glimmer in sight. An elusive, dancing glimmer that tortures and teases me into searching my soul and my motives. It is painful and in progress.

Also, it makes for long, rambling blog posts that don't really make any sense.

Trust

2009-04-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking out of a classroom and a newspaper that was lying on a desk near the door caught my eye. The headline read, "3 still missing in [some location i can't remember]." I was struck with a sense of loss, of helplessness that made a feeling of sadness darken my mood for a little bit. Every day, the news is filled with stories of loss, of tragedy, of people kidnapped by pirates, of policemen gunned down by manic thieves. Sometimes the world just seems so bleak that it's hard to believe things could be good.

The other day I found out that my summer plans, for which I was so excited, weren't going to work out. Of all the things that could hold me back, it turned out that money was the stone wall I couldn't get over. I didn't have enough money to not work and simply travel all summer. I had to stay home and find a job. That was the last thing I wanted to do. This is very possibly the last summer I will have to relax and take some good time off. But of course, something came up. I was discouraged--I was in a bad mood all Easter break because of it. Mom and I looked at jobs online, but all along, I was dreading having to find something to do this summer to make money. Dad finally told me to just pray about it. I grudgingly rolled my eyes and sort of agreed that, yeah I should probably pray about it. But why, when I knew God was just going to tell me to stay home for the summer and work? He couldn't possibly want me to have fun. So I came back to school, determined not to think about this summer or money for the next three weeks that I'm in school.

The other day I went to go pick up the paycheck that I was expecting. I opened the envelope, waiting to see the amount, which I had estimated to be around $120 or so--a paycheck that would have to last me longer than its poor little life could stand. I opened the envelope--and there was a check for $500 inside. For what, I don't know. But all I knew was that my summer plans had suddenl taken a drastic turn for the better.

The point? God's in control. I need to trust Him more. I need to trust Him in the small things, to not doubt He has my best in mind when I make plans or pray for certain things. Plans don't always work out...but sometimes they do. And just like it's hard sometimes to see God working in the small areas of my life, it's hard to see how He's working in the big stuff out in the world. But He is. Everything works together for His good, and He has a master plan that completely overrules any insignificant plans that I could ever put together. Amen.

I like surveys

2009-04-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

1) What is your salad dressing of choice? there's this really yummy oriental balsamic dressing at the coffee shop that i get with the salads..mmm...i would choose that on everything if i could
2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? off the top of my head...chili's because of the chicken fingers. But really, I like fast food better a lot of the time.
3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? potstickers
4.What is your favorite topping on a piece of pizza? chicken
5) What do you like to put on your toast? butter and cinnmaon
6) How many televisions are in your house? 2
7) What color cell phone do you have?black and silver
8) Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty-o
9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body? clothing (by me only), hair, several teeth, and shoes
10) What is the last heavy item you lifted? i have no idea. i think a vaccuum.
11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious? i wish
12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no way
13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? lauren or sarah jane
14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?heck yes. totally worth it. i neeeed money!
15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own? many. how many do i actually wear? 3
16) Whats your goal for the year? to be amazing. working great so far
17) Last person you talked to? shane when i was getting my book back from dave's apartment.
18) Last person you hugged? jennifer elizabeth deibert
19) Favorite Season? fall. also, spring
20) Favorite Holiday? christmas! but not because of the gifts...because of the season. I LOVE the christmas season.
21) Favorite day of the week? as of now? Thursday
22) Favorite Month? that is a tough question. weatherwise? probably June. otherwise, July because of fun camps. other than that December because it's Christmas season.
23) First place you went this morning? water polo game at sunnyside high school
24) What's the last movie you saw? slummmmdooogggggg!!!
25) Do you smile often? yes. i just had a conversation tonight about how i can't not smile.
26) Do you always answer your phone? yes, if i'm actually carrying it with me. oh wait that's a lie because i get a lot of calls from numbers i don't know. so no. only if i know the number.
27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? probably lora or amy or frances or alli-kay or jenny
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be? green, but i like my eyes
29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? i've never gotten one of those drinks so i don't know. i know, i'm lame.
30) Have you ever had a pet fish? yes. their names were paul and silas and paul was light orange and skinny and silas was dark orange and fat and they both died and i buried them in a rosebush.
31) Favorite Christmas song? o come o come emmanuel. do you hear what i hear? lots more. i love christmas.
32) What's on your wish list for your birthday? rainbows.
33) Can you do push ups? yep.
34) Can you do a chin up? nope.
35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? way excited with a hint of nervousness because the future means real life with job and loans. but i'm super excited for other parts of that future. :)
36) Do you have any saved texts? all of mine are saved because i only have like 140.
37) Ever been in a car wreck? nope.
38) Do you have an accent? some people say that i have a very slight canadian accent, but just on certain words. most say i just say those words really weird.
39) What is the last song to make you cry? probably one of the songs we sang during college hour. actually i have no idea.
40) Plans tonight? the rest of the night's plans are to go to bed. but i already went to mimi's for dinner, played ping pong and talked with some friends, so i've had a full night.
41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes. So many times. But my rock bottom isn't necessarily killing myself or anything, it's more along the lines of dropping out of school and running away
42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. i didn't buy anything yesterday
43) Have you ever been given roses? yes. twice, in fact.
44) Current hate right now? my lack of money
45) Met someone who changed your life? yes. for good and bad
46) How did you bring in the New Year? i was sitting on the ground listening to clifford smith talk about ruth and boaz, i believe.
47) What song represents you? no clue. won't even try to think of one.
48) Name three people who might complete this? no one.
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night? getting ready for bed
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? yay zwiebach!

Ew.

2009-03-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Christians can be really obnoxious and offensive. Then they wonder why people are rude back and don't really think too fondly of Christianity when those same Christians try to convert them. I'm sorry we can be like that.

It's Official!

2009-03-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

I will be graduating in the fall of 2010! Which is only 18 months (ish) away and only three semesters away! I'm pretty excited! :) It will mean that I have to take three summer classes next summer (as in, summer 2010), but that's a small price to pay for getting out of school early. After I graduate? I'm planning on moving to Washington and finding a job that can support me and pay off my debt. As far as what this job will be, I have no idea. Maybe a part-time nanny/part-time barista. Or something like that. But at least I have some of life planned out.... :)

On to summer!

greetings from the great northwest

2009-03-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends. I am in Washington right now, as most of you know. I just thought I should write you a little note to say, Hello. I'm probably not coming back to California ever again because I am having such a fabulous time up here. The weather has been amazing--snow for a couple days, sun for more days, and now just the typical washington rain. :) Here is what I've been doing:

Sunday: church and painting nails with katy while talking with mom, kathy, stephanie and katy.
Monday: fun time with mom and kim running errands and eating soup at panera. :)
Tuesday: day in seattle with JOANNA (!), barb, bethany, and hannah. ate way too much food and spent not that much money. mom left :( :(
Wednesday: don't remember. oh, i think this was the day sean and i walked by the ocean. cold, but still fun. hanging out around the house and watched stir of echoes and then antm and ai with katy because sean wasn't too crazy about being educated on the world of modeling and singing. :)
Thursday: slept in! more hanging around, then rocky bay with sean. roasted hot dogs over an open fire and watched the sun set over the bay. amazing.
Friday: ran errands with kathy. then went bowling with sean, katy, michael, and matthew. my high score: 99. legit.
Saturday: in progress, but so far....writing paper and hanging around still. plans later: dinner here with friends. :) yum spaghetti!
Sunday: hasn't happened yet, but plans are: all-day meeting and good food and fellowship, then back to fresno. :( if that face could look sadder, i would make it sadder.

Summary: GOOD TIMES. BEST SPRING BREAK EVER. And boo on school. THE End.

Insomnia Or the Equivalent Of...

2009-03-03T01:58:00.000-08:00

I googled "Abby needs." Here is what the internet says I need: (parenthetic comments mine)

Abby needs help with her medications....(yikes)
Abby needs her glasses....(this is a true statement)
Abby needs to go on some good walks so she can trim down and look her best...(good to know, good to know)
Abby needs some advice...(ain't that the truth)
Abby needs your help! (help!)
Abby needs to come back...(to where? sanity? then yes, i agree)
Abby needs a new home...(I choose heaven)
Abby needs a non-furry home...(yep, still heaven)
Abby needs Metro to take out the trash....(yeah, metro, get on that)

And again with the repetition...

2009-02-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like things are less random and out there if you make lists of them, so here's another list by me...

1. I have recently discovered that I'm a queen of wasting time. I will do it any way I can. Facebook, taking the nail polish off my nails, checking my email multiple times, staring at the floor, you name it.

2. I'm restless and it scares me. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Always just wanting to get to the next stage in life and never appreciating where I am until it's too late? I love college, yet I want to be older, settled, even married and starting a family. I love sociology, yet I want to maybe be a wedding planner or a nanny. I want to drop out, I want to transfer, I want to stay here....I feel like my feelings contradict themselves. I hate being somewhere just feeling like I have to just tolerate it. I want to enjoy myself to the fullest wherever I am and for some reason it's hard for me to.

3. I think I'm passive-agressive.

4. I am desperately trying to grow my hair out right now, but it's not taking the hint. :(

5. Christmas lights are some of my favorite things in the world.

6. I wish my family incorporated more of our Scottish heritage into our traditions and history. I want to have a plaid and a crest. That would be awesome.

7. I think the weirdest phrase out of my mouth that I've ever heard myself say before is, "my boyfriend." Definitely still getting used to that one.

8. I started going to a Bible study on Wednesday nights with some girls from school and it's been pretty amazing. I've missed the spiritual fellowship a lot and I'm trying to bring that back into my life more now. I miss God. I want Him back.

9. I've realized recently that my lack of close friends in my life has really affected me. It's always been hard for me to open up, and it always seems like the people I open up most to always end up hurting me. (not true of jenny or joanna :).

10. I hate it when I'm shaving my legs in the shower and the bathroom light goes off. I always feel like whimpering.

11. I love babies. :)

12. IKEA is my favorite favorite store in the entire world. Hands down.

13. I am in the process of simplifying. It's not working too well, but I'm trying. First step I've accomplished? Only wearing three items of makeup and pretty much never doing my hair. Next step: stopping the shopping.

14. I hate cliche quotes.

15. Last year I contemplated transferring to a school where I could study interior design. I also used to want to be a nurse and read a lot of books about the Civil War nurses. Then I found out that I felt really sick at the sight of blood. Bad choice.

16. I think Jude Law is quite possibly the hottest man in the world.

17. I am not a jewely wearer. I would like to wear rings, but I don't spend enough money on them to get ones that don't turn my fingers green and then I forget anyway.

18. I've always wanted to experience love at first sight, but I really don't even believe in it, so I guess I can't experience what I don't believe in. :)

19. I wish it could be summer camp all year long.

20. My favorite smell is fresh laundry. And also, fresh bread and chocolate chip cookies.

21. I've actually been developing opinions and beliefs that are my own. I like it. I'm also not really sure how long it will last because I'm only 19 and very young, so I'm sure that I will change them many more times. But I like this whole idea of developing individuality.

22. I have grand plans for my life at this point, and I'm hoping they'll turn out somewhat close.

23. I also think that I really should clear my plans with God. Easier said than done.

24. I'm in the midst of applying for a job that I really want. Reallyy really want.

25. I just ran out of all the little facts about me that I thought I was going to have.

17.

Dear Survey,

2009-02-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? i like to think my middle name is a combination of Jane from Pride and Prejudice and Anne from Persuasion, but i think that's wrong. And of course my first name is from the Bible.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this weekend sometime
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes. it's not amazing but it's unique and individual and completely mine :)
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey, if i have to
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? lots
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? heck yes. we would be best friends and finish each other's sentences and do everything together and paint each other's nails and wear each other's clothes....and be really creepy because we were exactly alike.
.7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? never. i think sarcasm is the one blight of human existence.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? unless someone stole them when i wasn't looking...yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? oh yeah. it's on my list of things to do.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? cinnamon toast crunch
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i try really hard not to
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?choc. chip cookie dough/mint chip
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if they're goodlooking. Doesn't everyone?
15. RED OR PINK?pinnnnkkkkkk!!
16. What is your least favorite part of yourself? my stomach. oh, personality trait? ummm....my inability to make myself vulnerable when i need to
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my mom and joanna rose
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? i could care less, actually. no joke.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans and my brown fuzzy moccasins with blue laces
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? some sort of pink or green
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, homemade bread, and man cologne :)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my mom i think
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? no one sent this to me. i stole it!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? #1 sport of all time--hockey and then football. more specifically, Ducks hockey and USC football
27. HAIR COLOR?brown
28. EYE COLOR? soul-piercing blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes
30 FAVORITE FOOD? good food. something that i am severely lacking here at this place called college
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?happy endings for sure
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? 10 thing i hate about you
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? green, sort of a fresh, minty green
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall, actually. or maybe spring. or actually, all the seasons. now to move to a place where all four seasons actually exist. and to somewhere where i stop using the word "actually" three times in three sentences.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? i really like hugs and i've yet to experience a kiss, but i've heard they're nice
36. FAVORITE DESSERT: my mom's cheesecake or cookies
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? the myth of a christian nation, textbooks, and occasionally the Bible
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? the bachelor. shout out to molly!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?beatles if i have to choose. but only because of "across the universe"

Dear Anyone,

2009-02-08T22:30:00.001-08:00

i don't know if i can do this.

i need help.

Dear Friends,

2009-02-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

Leave one memory that we have together.

It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

Don't send a message, leave a comment on here!!!

Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you.

It's interesting and should be funny to see the responses!!!

Dear Man with No Name,

2009-01-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

Hello. I don't know who you are, or what your name is. I do know you play tennis here and that you have blond hair. But I would just like to say, I saw you the other day and you really should stop.

I was driving by with some friends and I saw you, in the middle of the day (in broad daylight, no less) PEEING! by the side of the road right in front of the old person's home. Even if it hadn't traumatized me, think of all the damage that you could have done the senior citizens! There was no call for you to whip it out right there by the tree when there were perfectly good bathrooms all around campus. Or at least find a more private spot.

I could have forgiven you for that, but then I drove by a couple days later with the same friend and I saw you taking your pants off in the exact same spot, just across the street. I definitely saw you in your boxers and I did not want to see that. If I wanted to see a man in his boxers, I would go to the store and go to the men's underwear aisle to look at the underwear packs. But that's way too much work and it's more than just a little weird, so I would just like to say. Keep your clothes on in public!

So keep it in and keep them on.

Disgustedly,
Abby

Dear Mailbox,

2009-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

So often, you are empty. I turn the dial just right and pull your little metal door open. I peek inside, my heart trembling in anticipation, and I am disappointed. The shiny cold chasm of your inside yawns open, affording only the view of other boxes full of letters and magazines. I even reach my hand in, running my fingers along the edges of you, hoping that I missed something. But no, you are always empty, sad, alone.

But not today. Today was a glorious day. When I opened you, a long white envelope was waiting. You seemed friendly and happy to be giving me such a rare gift. I drew out the envelope and opened it. And there, inside, lay a check! A check for more money than I expected! I don't know where it came from or why it even came at all, but thank you, Mailbox, for brightening my day.

Dear School,

2009-01-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not a big fan of you right now. I know, I know, I used to be so enamored with you. But that was before I was mature, before I had developed into a more well-rounded human being. You're really just a lot of work. Sometimes we really get along and I enjoy being with you, but lately you've been distant and out of touch. I go through the motions with you, but the joy and the fire is gone. And you are really expensive, too. I think we need some time apart, but everyone is pressuring us to stay together, so I guess I'll just have to make it through this rough patch. You really are the best fit for me and we are good for each other. But I have to warn you that we will be breaking up fairly soon. Just three more semesters and I'll be gone. So thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great.

Fondly,
Abby

Dear God,

2009-01-21T22:33:00.000-08:00

Hello. We haven't talked in a while. I'm pretty sure that's my fault. I've been busy, you know. Yeah, that's a terrible excuse--one that I should never use but always do. I've been feeling the pressure from you, though. You keep calling; you keep knocking. Sometimes I want you to stop pursuing me. It hurts, it puts me in vulnerable situations where I don't want to be. And it's embarrassing, this wealth of love that you're trying to give me. I'm not sure if I would know what to do with all of it. I don't know if you just haven't realized this, but I'm really not worth pursuing. Really, there's better people out there. Why don't you just give up on me? All I do is hurt you and myself. But, please please don't give up on me. Deep down, you're what I want the most. I am just so confused on how to get to that place where it's just you and me. The depth of which you love me is overwhelming and glorious and breathtaking. I want you to take over my life, to bring me a better plan than I have for myself, but I'm scared. I'm scared to death that I will have to lose control over this tiny plot of land I call life and will have nothing less to call my own. But that is what you've called me to. You've called me to give up everything for you, for the sake of your kingdom. I wish this wouldn't be so hard. You will bring me through this for a purpose, to refine me in your hot, consuming fire.

You know me. You know my thoughts, my intentions, my fears, my weaknesses. And yet you are there when I wake every morning. You greet me with a smile and infinite patience. You love me. And I am ashamed.

Love, Abby

I Know My Alphabet

2009-01-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

A is for age: 19.
B is for beer of choice: I don't choose to drink beer. It's pretty much disgusting.
C is for career right now: I have no career as of now and I have no idea what it will be.
D is for your dog's name: I have no dog. She is dead. But her name was Alicia.
E is for essential item you use every day: my toothbrush.
F is for favorite TV shows: Arrested development, the office, one tree hill
G is for favorite game: hockey :)
H is for hometown: Corona
I is for instruments you play: piano and heartstrings
J is for favorite juice: orange peach mango
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: hm. interesting.
L is for last place you ate: the caf. blegh.
M is for marriage: it is? oh, okay.
N is for your middle name: JaneAnne
O is for overnight hospital stay: I've never done that.
P is for people you were with today: Wow. too many to remember and count actually.
Q is for quote: "Hey, they all start with A! Oh wait, it's alphabetical. Never mind. Just ignore my stupidity."
R is for biggest regret: I don't really have one.
S is for sport: I like to play sports. I also like to watch them. Frisbee, hockey, football....all good.
T is for time you woke up today: 7:15.
U is for underwear you have on now: AE. Polka dots. Cute.
V is for vegetable you love: squash actually.
W is for worst habits: not being vulnerable and opening up to other people. and being depressive.
X is for xrays you've had: Nada.
Y is for something yummy you've eaten today: coffee chocolate chip pancakes. :)
Z is for zodiac sign: scorpio.

No, I was not tagged

2009-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

But I'm going to list 25 random things about myself anyway.

1. I actually don't really like blogging all that much. I like the idea of it, but I'm terrible at actually keeping it updated. I figured out that the reason for this is because I cringe at the idea of actually putting anything remotely personal on the internet for everyone to read and I know that some of the issues that I would be trying to vent about or whatever would involve in some way or another people that read my blog. So now I just keep it short and sweet.

2. My mom is one of my best friends ever. Maybe it's lame to have your mom as your best friend, but I don't really care. She's a friend that actually cares about me and makes sacrifices for me. And we can talk about *almost* anything.

3. I have been dying to go to the zoo for over a year now. I found out, after we had stopped going, that I really really like the zoo. And I think I would appreciate it more now that I'm older. Except, of course, for the petting zoo. I hate petting zoos.

4. I keep looking up places to transfer. Maybe I'm just a flake, maybe I'm completely unmotivated, but part of me just really wants to get out of California. Of course, there are reasons behind that too, but see #1 as far as personal things go. :) I am restless. I want to wander and be free.

5. I want to live on a large piece of land in a old house. This land would preferrably have a small stream, some woods, open land on which to ride quads on, a place to have a garden, large trees to hang rope swings, and a house big enough to hold a lot of children.

6. My two dream jobs after graduating college? Nanny and assistant to a wedding planner. Lofty dreams, I know.

7. I hate being a messy person. I can't help being messy, but then it makes me depressed and tired. So I try to not be messy. And then I'm messy again. It's a vicious cycle.

8. I thirst for adventure. I want so badly to drop out of school and live free and unhindered with a best friend or two for a couple years and then settle down. But with freedom in my blood, who knows whether I'd ever be able to calm down again?

9. I feel guilty often. Most often for things I can't control and for reasons I can't explain. If someone is angry or upset, I feel guilty. If something doesn't go right for someone, I feel guilty. I think it's some sort of responsibility complex, but all I know is that it's exhausting.

10. I can't make small talk for the life of me. I am terrible at it. If I could just jump into a serious conversation with someone about life and related things, then I would be okay. But it's this meaningless chatter that makes me awkward and uncomfortable.

11. I really miss playing sports now that I'm in college.

12. I wish Joanna lived in California and not Illinois. I miss her a lot.

13. I have grand plans for my life and for my summer and I really really want them to work out. It might make my life feel a little more in place than it has been feeling.

14. I really need to let God take control of my life. And actually take control, not just watch me screw everything up.

15. I should be less emo-sounding. Because I'm really not emo. :) See?

16. I like to think I have good fashion sense. I give fashion advice to my sisters and to some of my friends. And yet, for some reason, I have never made it on America's Next Top Model. Weird.

17. I don't have nearly as low of self-esteem as I pretend to. I like the way I look. I just like to say that I think I'm ugly so I don't sound egotistical. But here I am, coming out of the self-deprecating closet, saying, "I like myself. And I mean that in the most humble way possible."

18. I really want a baby. I know I have to wait for a husband and all that, and don't worry, I'm not going to be going around stealing anybody's baby, but I want a baby. Just not right now while I'm school. So I guess I don't really want one right now, but I will say that I'm super excited for when I can actually have one of my own.

19. I think it would tons of fun to open up a small cafe/bakery someday. Probably more work than I expect, but the idea is fun. Right?

20. I. Love. Christmas. I love Christmas more than any other holiday. Except I don't really care that much about the day. I just love the season. The trees, the lights, the eggnog, the holiday spirit, I am in love with it all. I don't love the consumerism, the spending, the greediness. I plan on changing that for me and my family.

21. I can talk a lot. And really fast.

22. If I could be anyone else in the entire world, I would be Anne of Green Gables. I love those books and those movies. Favorites for sure.

23. I don't really like religion or church right now. I love God and Jesus and I'm really trying to further my relationship with Him and live my life as His disciple, but church and religion? Not so great for me right now.

24. I never wear jewelry. I don't really like it. And I always forget. And then if I do have a piece that I like, it's usually cheap and turns my skin green. So I just never wear jewelry. It's part of my life plan that involves simplifying myself. Now I wear way less makeup, no jewelry, and just scrunch my hair and go. It's much faster and easier, trust me.

25. Someday, I want to write a novel. I feel like if I got a stellar story line to just fall into my lap, I'd have a much easier time of it. But that hasn't happened, so here I am. Just writing little lists on my blog and dreaming of better days.

Create

2008-12-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

I feel like I should be doing something creative right now. I don't know what. A novel is too long, and I'm really not that creative. But I feel like I should go be creative. Maybe with my life? Maybe I'm just feeling aimless because I'm almost done with school. Actually, I really should go be creative with the paper that I have to write.... Nah. I want to do something lovely. I wish the coffee shop fire was on so I could drink hot chocolate and sit by it and talk. Maybe I should just write a really long detailed letter. Okay, that sounds nice.

Simplicity

2008-12-05T22:39:00.000-08:00

What happened to high school and the sweet, simple days there? Friendships were just that--uncomplicated, true friendships. I knew who my friends were and I knew where we stood. There was no backstabbing, gossiping, or overanalyzation. Just sleepovers filled with laughter and fun times filled with phileo love. I wish I hadn't taken it for granted.

USC vs. Notre Dame

2008-11-29T10:51:00.000-08:00

So here I am. Back on the beautiful USC campus, waiting for the band (which plays in 4 hours). The difference from my normal game day routine? I have my laptop, so I can actually write this on-site. Red and yellow is dripping from every corner of campus, the air smells of beer and roasting hot dogs, and the conversations reverberate at a low hum. Damien Rice plays in my ear and I feel sleepy. I can't wait for the band to get here, to play Tusk for me. :)

School is almost over. I only have two more weeks....one week of classes, then a week of finals. Then Christmas break. Next week is going to be crazy. On top of my regular classes and tutoring sessions, I have two handbell concerts, a final, an oral presentation, a study session to lead, and other wrap-up stuff. Tuesday night is going to be so fun, though. Wind Ensemble concert, Christmas Tree Lane, yay.... :)

I can't wait for Christmas break. I am burned out, and TIRED. School has lost its sparkle for me this semester. I need to recharge. Almost. therreeeee.......

Bucket

2008-11-11T19:50:00.000-08:00

So Sara inspired me to write this list. It's 25 things to do before I turn 25. Which gives me exactly 6 years to do them. So here they are, in no particular order other than what I thought of them in.

1. Live out my ideals
2. Lose weight/get in shape
3. Travel
4. Learn to cook
5. Learn to enjoy cleaning
6. Get a good self-esteem
7. Find my life's purpose
8. Learn how to dress/look classy
9. Write a novel
10. Grow my hair out
11. Make friends with all my sisters
12. Read my Bible/pray every day (and you'll grow, grow, grow)
13. Learn basic car maintenance
14. Fall in love (at this point, I start to sound like to A Walk to Remember and that is not okay. So pretend I don't)
15. Move out of California
16. Kiss in the rain
17. Have a white Christmas
18. Cut back on stuff
19. Go hiking
20. Go camping on the beach
21. Get a real tan
22. Get involved in a children's ministry
23. Feel good in a bikini
24. Have clear skin
25. Learn to decorate cheaply

hello, this is me

2008-11-08T15:53:00.000-08:00

1. Do you like blue cheese? I like it in salad dressing.
2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Someday I want to. Just for the experience.
3. Do you own a gun? My dad does. Does that count?
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I have no idea. I’ve never bought a drink other than a shake at Sonic.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not really. I’ve only had about three doctor’s appointments in my whole life. Other than baby checkups, of course.
6.What do you think of hot dogs? I like them a lot. With ketchup. And onions. On a bun.
7. Favorite Christmas Song? O goodness. I love Christmas music. O come O come Emmanuel.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Milk. Or coffee.
9. Can you do push ups? Girl pushups.
10.What is your favorite movie? You Can’t Take It With You.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My nose ring. Ha.
12. Favorite hobby? Hanging with friends/baking with friends/playing ultimate frisbee.
13. Do you like your life? Not right now.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? No. Hey, look, something shiny!
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? My pride.
16 Middle name? JaneAnne
19. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly? Dr. Pepper, coffee, water
20. Current worry right now? Failing.
21. Current hate right now? I hate school. And life.
22. Favorite place to be? In a coffee shop with a cup of coffee on my laptop people watching or talking.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? At the bomb shelter in buena park
24. Where would you like to go? Washington
25. name three people that will complete this? Lora. Her friend who posted it in the first place. And me.
27. What color shirt are you wearing? Gray and orange.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Good question....if I was a prostitute
.29. Can you whistle? Maybe. If I’m lucky.
31. Would you be a pirate? Heck yes.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t usually sing in the shower because I share a bathroom with six other girls and they might think I’m weird.
33. Favorite girl's name? Norah
34. Favorite boy's name? Robin
35. What's in your pocket right now? Air.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? My sister’s telling of Seth’s handle bar mustache.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? I broke my nose. And once I threw out my back. That hurt too.
39. Do you love where you live? I love FPU. I don’t love Fresno. And I don’t love Corona either.
40. How many TVs do you have in your home? 2
41.Who is your loudest friend? Alli-Kay
42.How many pets do you have? One. Mr. Knightley.
43. Fave ice cream flavor? Cookie dough or mint. It’s a toss-up
44, where are you? In my dorm’s living area.
45.What is your favorite book? A tree Grows in brooklyn
46. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate. Anything chocolate.
47. What is your favorite sports team? USC football or Ducks
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I don’t really know any good death songs. I know what I want played at my wedding though.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Hanging out with lora and jenny and jeremy.
50. What was the first thing(s) you thought of when you woke up this morning? Why am i in lora’s bed?

From the Mouth of Babes...

2008-11-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

Today, my friend Amy turned to me and said, "Did you know that Alaska is part of the United States?" And yes, she was serious. I thought I might die laughing.

Coast

2008-10-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

We drove to the coast last night. The signs read: Pismo--140 miles. It was 11 pm. I drove on the way there, weaving my way through unfamiliar roads and midnight countryside. Lora and Jenny and I talked. We talked about boys, we talked about love, we talked about life. We listened to Ben Folds and Michelle Branch. The lines on the road glistened in my headlights, and the dark unknown whizzed by. Semis lay slumbering by the side of the road, their engines silent and their cabs dark. I glanced out of the driver's window, and saw stars. Real stars, dotting the sky like fresh snow. We drove through the fog and emerged at the beach. I drove slowly through the small town, trespassing on its silent sleep. Shops were closed, the streets deserted--it was 2 am. There was the beach. And there were the cops--of course the beach was closed. We kept driving and found it--our own little private beach, complete with spooky noises, crashing waves, and heaps of kelp tossed on the shore. It was cold; the sand stuck to our feet damply; we were glorious. Stress, tension left in my shoulders by school and life and home melted away into the crisp starry night and joined the crashing waves in their tumbling freefall. We sat by the drainage pipe and talked, but we mostly just listened. Listened to the crash of the breakers, the whisper of tide at the shoreline, and the peace that lingered in the air like a perfume. There!--a shooting star. And another. We left that spot at 3 and Lora took over the driver's seat. Then we hit fog; thick, soupy fog that obstructed the road and fogged our windows up. Using good sense and a defroster, jenny and I helped Lora steer off the road and jenny took over. The icy air rushed in the car as Jenny drove. Finally the temperature was regulated(no more foggy windows) and the fog lifted. We drove through Santa Margarita and found the only gas station there. No way were we stopping there. We kept driving, ignoring the gas gauge in good faith that Atascadero was coming soon. We made it, stopping only for gas, an energy drink, and a bathroom break. And we were off, Lora back in the driver's seat. We drove, not talking, just listening to the music. And then--"I can't see the lines anymore. They're all blurring together." I was back in the driver's seat. Jenny slept in the back seat and Lora and I talked--about boys, love, life. Lora fell asleep, I tried not to. And here was Fresno and school. It was 6 am, and at that moment, life was perfect.

Touche

2008-10-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

So, Sara made a good point on my last post. She pointed out that the reason I might feel like I have a better spiritual life at home is because that's where I've been the most comfortable spiritually. I think she's right. I think that maybe it's just that my spiritual life sucks and I need to improve it. It's not school, it's me. Who am I to put the blame on school? I need to take personal responsibility for my relationship with God, regardless of where I am. Wow, it's difficult having an epiphany. Then I actually feel guilty and sort of convicted. :) Now, where to start? I've been saying this for years, but I should actually organize my day so that I have time to spend a little quiet time with the Bible and prayer. I can think up a million lame excuses, but at the end of the day, that's exactly what they are--just lame excuses. I really like the illustration that I've heard before of your heart being Christ's home. I've let Him in the door, but now he's just sitting in the living room while I run around the house, busy in my own life and my own problems. I don't always like the cute little analogies of "Jesus is in your heart/He's waiting for you to notice Him/hello, I am cute, warm fuzzy Christianity," but I do like that one. He is waiting for me to notice Him, to come and be sheltered from the world in His arms. He loves me. And that's amazing.

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer
Oh what peace we often forfeit
Oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer

P.S. I remembered that whole verse by heart. No big deal.

Home Sweet School

2008-10-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

I am home for the weekend. Actually, I had a four day weekend for midterm break, so I've been home. I'm going back home tomorrow. I am so divided between these two homes. My home has my family, no matter how lousy tonight was (mom, don't be offended, I can tell you what was wrong), and I am always safe there. But at schoolhome, I have my close friends, I have challenges that stretch and grow me, and I have my own independent life. But at home I have relationships that I need to work on that I don't have energy or motivation to improve. But at school I have a lack of a spiritual life that makes me sad every time I think about it. I love both, and yet I can't stand both. I want to run away. I'm a coward.

Whoa, Easy, Turbo

2008-10-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

(turbo is the new word for life)

I just looked at my schedule and thought I'd share with you guys. Next week (not this one coming, but the next one) is midterm and then I come back to school for four weeks and then it's Thanksgiving break and then I come back for a week, then it's finals week, then I'm home for a month for Christmas break. And since every week feels like it lasts about three days, it will fly by. Holy *cough*. And insert my birthday in there somewhere. And life. And fun. And homework. Agh. I'm okay with it in a sense because I'm definitely looking forward to Christmas break, but still. Can ya wait for me to catch up, life?

Addiction

2008-09-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

The Call by Regina Spektor
*I am in love with this song*

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before
All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Powderpuff

2008-09-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am very sore. I wish we played football with pads and helmets because girls don't block very nicely. My knees hurt already. But I blocked for our winning touchdown, so it was all worth it. Go Smashing Pumpkins! :)

I am a Lame-O

2008-09-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should update...

I want to run away and not come back. Here is what I want to do (not by myself, I have one or two preferred people in mind to come with me):

I want to run away and live in a little cottage in a little town on the coast. I want to take walks on the beach, hike in nature, work in a little bookstore, make scrumptious coffee drinks, and lay in the sand (on a towel of course because I hate getting all sandy). I want to take naps in the sun and to read a book in the rain. I want to write to my heart's content on a shiny white MacBook (which I don't have) and have long meaningful talks with that someone. I want to decorate the cottage with thrift store furniture and eclectic artwork. I want to take long bike rides and I want to listen to Ben Folds and the like over and over. I want to go swimming until I'm wrinkly and I want to play the piano until my fingers drop off. That's what I want to do. But I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and so I will stay here at FPU (which I love) for three more years. Maybe I can do it then.

I have a lot to do in school this semester. I feel like I don't have much time for socializing and I feel guilty when I do because there's so many better (read: more A+ friendly) things I should be doing. It will be better next semester. Maybe I can actually make more friends than just two, both of whom I love with all my heart (Jenny and Lora, you know who you are. Well, yes, especially because I just said your names :).

But. I am looking forward to powderpuff greatly. Hopefully my team will not lose every game this year like we did last year. Our first game is on Thursday, which is actually really anoying because the SC game is on Thursday also. And it's at the same time as my game. Oh, ESPN, why do you want a Thursday game? And the Office starts on Thursday which makes me super happy.

So, in conclusion...my life is busy, go Trojans, I like handbells because I get to play the big bells, and I want to leave. Yay. :)

The Call

2008-09-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

Who wants to run away with me?

LIfe, wherefore art thou?

2008-09-14T22:08:00.001-07:00

Okay, I do have a life. Evidenced by the fact that I went houseboating and not evidenced by the amount of blogging I've been doing. So this weekend I went parasailing also and it was amazing. A little bit of air-sickness ensued, but it was pretty cool anyway. I think, as Kendra said, I've found a new hobby. :) I also got a little sunburn that will hopefully turn into a tan. And I ate a huge amount of meat, which included a delicious steak. Thanks Caleb. Your steak was great and your verses were inspiring. See how I'm kissing up to you? If you ever feel like getting rid of a MacBook, you know who your real friends are. No, I'm not using you. Okay, I'll stop hinting at something you can't get me. I'm still your friend. Maybe I should write this in an email to Caleb instead of on my public blog. Oh well. Too late.

So this summer, I might go to Maryland to work at a summer camp. Ideal position there: counselor for 2nd and 3rd graders. Jenny (roommate) and I would drive cross-country back there and work together. Well, she would be a lifeguard or something to do with the water there. But we would still be together. I'm pretty excited to see if it works out, because I'm dying to do something adventurous, something to have stories about. And I want to do something different.

My life seems to be changing. In a good way. :)

Oh Technology, thou makes for funny things

2008-09-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm not trying to make fun of anyone here, but I really got a kick out of a comment left on my sister's blog.

"Hey, I have something really important to tell you. Can you get on IM ASAP?"

It's so amusing that technology has taken over the younger generation. Again, this was not meant to mock or be mean or belittling. It was simply funny.

Back

2008-09-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, it's been a while since I've updated, mostly due to the fact that I am ridiculously busy and right now I have stuff to do, so I am merrily procrastinating. Why is it that as soon as I get to school and tons of things happen, I have nothing to say? Oh, I won't be listed as editor of The Book anymore. But I could care less, at this point. It's over and done, and I don't really care. Um...let's see...I'm going houseboating this weekend...Yay!...my writing tutor job is taking up all my time...I'm having a great time in Creative Writing: Fiction writing short stories...I love my roommate Jenny...Death At A Funeral is a really really funny movie (if you don't mind about 100 uses of the f-word that is)...Hick's Lake was very good; you wish you were my friend so I could tell you why it was so good...I need to go clean and do homework...

A short story without an ending I just jotted down

2008-08-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of nervous about putting this on the web, but here goes...(it doesn't really end because I'm not done)

The coffee shop sat wedged in between a taco place and a nail salon, its windows dark and lonely. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, sending warm rays across the mountains as if testing the waters before appearing fully, gloriously. Crickets still chirped, their legs dewy, fearless from lack of human invasion in the past ten hours. A battered cup from the shop lay on its side in the nearest parking space. A small sparrow pecked curiously at it, wondering if it had finally gotten that worm. A cool breeze stirred the plants, making them shiver and shed drops of dew into the ground. The little shop seemed to be taking a breath to refresh itself, a sigh of preparation for another day. Each day people flooded the shop with their cappuccinos, mochas, computers, and children; making a mess, cleaning it up, ordering triple-shot skim milk non-fat lattes, and purchasing a cup of black coffee. Today would be no different.
Oliver sat in his normal spot on the ground to the side of the building, back against the cool brick and tattered baseball cap pulled low over his bleary eyes. He was unshaven, smelly, weather-beaten—a typical homeless man. He liked the coffee shop; he liked hearing the conversations, watching the people come in and out, back and forth. He was a philosopher, he was a philanthropist, he was a husband, he was a father, he was what no one expected, he was what everyone expected. Maybe someone will buy me a coffee today, he thought, as he always did. No one ever did; they scooted by quickly, avoiding eye contact, tugging their children away from him. He missed his kids—James, Jennifer, and little Joey. Maybe they were in Texas still, maybe Christina had taken them to her parent’s house in Minnesota. James would be 16 now, a young man, needing his father’s love and support. A small tear leaked down Oliver’s faded cheek and got lost in the crevices of his shaggy beard. No! No emotions! He thought fiercely. He was used to the loneliness now, but the direct unfriendliness of strangers, even those with that Christian fish symbol on their cars, still pierced him to the core. His stomach rumbled angrily, reminding him of the last time he had eaten, the surprising kindness of the young mother. She at least had looked at him with warmth and kindness as she handed him her child’s leftover hamburger, unlike the Christian fish car who had sped by him without a second glance.

Hallelujah vacation

2008-08-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

Classes are good...

Dorms are good...

Nose is good...

Caf is not so good...

I'm leaving tomorrow for Washington, so I'm not sure I'll be updating before next Tuesday.

Leeland is good...

My eyes are like Barney

2008-08-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

Purple and green. They really don't look that bad, actually, which is pretty disappointing. But at least I am famous! I pretty much just jumped up a few notches in many people's estimations and it seems like everyone knows what happened.

Classes seem pretty fun so far. I'm actually really excited for Ancient Civilizations, which is such a strange thing for me to say because I've always hated history. But we're going to read some fun books like The Odyssey and The Aeneid, so I think it will be good. And my prof is sort of funny. I'll be paying a total of $30 for all my books for all my classes for this semester, so that's another good thing. Not much has really happened, although a lot has happened. Nothing that I can really type here. It's just interesting to see how people have changed from when you first met them. Second year changes a lot.

I am confused. About life, about who I am, about God. I think my brain will just shut down with all the different ideas and thoughts about everything that are swirling around.

Well, this is a great way to start

2008-08-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

So last night I was playing Ultimate Frisbee. And one of the guys chucked the Frisbee downfield and I got in the way of his arm. I stumbled to the ground and put my hand in front of my nose and then blood was gushing out of my nose, all over the ground, on my hand, and down my arm. I thought, "Oh my, who's bleeding?? Oh wait, I think I am. Great, now my nose is broken and going to be even bigger than normal. Ah, my nose ring! Good, still there. Oh great, my dental work. What just happened? Ow." And then Jenny told me to pinch the top of my nose and I did and I heard and felt a cracking sound. "Ow." Jenny told me, "Abby, the reason your nose is bleeding a lot is also because you have a cut on it." So now I have a cut and a severely bruised, if not broken, nose. So campus safety came and asked me a bunch of questions and I was shaking and bleeding and hurting really bad. And then I went back to my room and tried to wash my face and went to bed at about 1 am. I woke up around 2:30 with a soaked paper towel, but the bleeding finally stopped. Now I feel like I have a cold and it aches if I don't take any pain medication. But now the boys think I'm a "stud." Exact word they used.

I'm having bad luck with my face.

I need to catch up

2008-08-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Last night, Jenny and I were talking to our good friend Lisa, who lives across the hall from us and we were talking about careers. And Lisa said, "I really want to write books." And I thought, We are alike, because I do too. And then she said, "I've already written one, and I have a second one started and an idea for a third one." And Jenny and I's mouths literally fell open. (I know I's is not a legitimate contraction, but whatever). And then Hannah is almost finished with her great piece of work. And I haven't even started anything. I have 40 chapters loosely outlined for a story that I originally felt really great about, but after about a week, it died on me. I need good characters, a good plot, and good time. Any contributions?

MA

2008-08-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I'm doing.

But at least I have a cool shirt.

Wow

2008-08-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of stuff.

Seen in the Pages of The Book

2008-08-14T11:27:00.001-07:00

This was in the version that was sent back to me with more additions by the author. I did not write any of this.

"A friend indeed is a friend in need. I owe it to you as a friend and good night."

Just then, chief of police Ron Matthews strode into Dave’s office, a stern look on his face. Chief Ron Matthews is a big man. He is 58 years old and looking forward to his retirement when he becomes 60. He has 30 years with the Seattle police department. The police department respects him and is fearful of his power, authority and commanding leadership. Ron has a long grey mustache and he has a habit of touching it when he is mad. Every one in the department knows when he is mad.

The food was delicious, as always cooked by their Italian chef, but Lisa Rittman’s thoughts were far away from anything she was putting in her mouth. Paul brought the Italian chief from his Hawaiian hotel because he likes Italian food and this chef has that special touch. Lisa was eating dinner with her husband seated at the opposite end of the table, daughter Christina, son Jason, two of their friends and the future husband of Christina. But she felt as if she was eating alone. Lisa was looking straight at Paul while eating and thinking about Diane, the robbery, Christina’s shower, how beautiful Diane looked and the closeness of Paul and Diane

"Time will tell and the love will come out openly."

The Olympics

2008-08-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

My observations of the Olympics in no particular order:

1. The media LOVES Michael Phelps. Why? Well, aside from the fact he's pretty hott...;)

2. Women's gymnastics=awesome even though the US didn't win.

3. The men are all starting to wear bodysuits now to swim instead of the Speedos...sad day. That's why mom and I watch the summer Olympics.

4. They are so late. 12 am? Really?

5. We think that the Chinese girls are way too young to be competing. There's no way that little gymnast could be 16.

6. It's really fun to hear the announcer say foreign names in an American accent.

7. The women should wear more clothes to play volleyball.

8. Hearing the Romanian ex-coach say, "Vow!" instead of "Wow!" last night was highly entertaining.

9. I want the track and field to start.

10. Michael Phelps is amazing.

The Great Tooth Extraction

2008-08-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

So it was done. Yesterday, in fact. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got numbed up amazingly, then the dr. scraped around in there doing who know what. Then he broke my tooth into three pieces and pulled it out, which was actually the least painful part of the whole thing. Then he sewed what looked like black sewing thread to my gum and hung the length, still attached to a pair of metal pliers, out the side of my mouth to hold my gums open around the socket. Then came the worst part. After drilling a small hole (I think that's what he did at least), he fitted a large metal rod, probably about 6 or 7 inches long, into the hole, and then banged on the rod with another piece of metal. My whole skull vibrated horribly and it hurt. Then he inserted the post and sewed me up. I was there for a total of 3 hours in that chair. Then Mom and I went to fill my antibiotic prescription and got me soft food to eat and then went home. I took a pain pill, but it was too late. That's when the pain started. I actually cried because of the pain, and I don't do that very often. So I took another pain pill and finally, about an hour or so later, the pain wore off. I'm doing much better today.

So I go back to school in a week from yesterday. Here's my schedule up until then:

Today: Do laundry.go to the beach with my roommate Jenny, who, much to my wild happiness, is in Tustin visiting her grandma.

Wednesday: Re-write book. Do more laundry. Start packing.

Thursday: Re-write book. Keep packing. Go to the mall with my friends. =)

Friday: Dentist to fill my other cavity. Hang out with Bethany and Jackie and the Wright's.

Saturday: Come home from the Wright's. Keep packing.

Sunday: Go to 3rd Sunday at Buena Park. Finish packing.

Monday: Dentist in the morning to hopefully get my stitches out. Leave for school.

More to come later...

Tips for Bad Novel Writing

2008-08-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

I found this on the Internet, and it was highly entertaining:

Do you want to write a novel? Most people try to write a good novel and fail. Dare to be different. Try writing a bad novel instead. If you finish, you will have either succeeded in writing a bad novel or failed and written a good novel. It’s a win/win situation. Here’s a guide to writing an absolutely terrible novel. The path is clear. All you have to do is follow it.
1. Remember that real writers use a typewriter. They don’t like these newfangled computers. A manual typewriter and a bucket of Wite-Out™ are the tools of a serious writer.

2. Never pick an average name that a regular person would have. Go with something that explains the character.

3. If your character is a cop on the edge, then try a manly nickname coupled with the name of a gun — something like Rip Magnum.

4. If your book is about a real person, just alter their name and location slightly — Jorge M. Bushe, Presidente of the Federated Territories.

5. Make sure you’ve got a lot of similar names too. Donald, Donna, Dina, Dana and Danny just feel right together.

6.Make sure that the good guys are clearly good and the bad guys are overwhelming evil. Don’t confuse your readers by having all the characters have good qualities and bad ones.

7.Explain everything. When your character is angry, just say that she’s angry. There’s no point in trying to show that through her actions when you can just tell that to your reader.

8. Don’t explain anything. Why did your villain spend the whole book clutching a blanket? Leave it up to the readers. They’ll fill in the blanks.

9. Pile on the adjectives and adverbs. Why have a woman speak when you can have her whisper breathlessly in her lustful, wind-swept voice?

10. Fill your book with coincidences, especially towards the end. Nothing beats having the exciting climax occur because the hero bumped into the villain in a small-town cafe when they both had a craving for peach-filled semi-sweet chocolate pie. Did you mention that both characters love the exact same pie? Now would be a good time.

11. Don’t let your character’s established traits get in the way of a good plot twist. Just because your hero is a priest who preaches non-violence (We’ll call him Father Angeltoe) doesn’t mean he can’t be an expert marksman with an itchy trigger finger.

12. Use lots of technical jargon. Don’t worry about whether your reader will understand it, or whether you understand it. Just stick it in. It will make your characters sound smarter.
If you are writing a historical novel, don’t sweat accuracy. The reader won’t care. Go ahead and have Napoleon invent the automatic rifle. Who could say he didn’t?

13. If you are writing fantasy literature, make sure your magical animals have never been thought of before. Try a talking armadillo. No, forget the talking armadillo. I want that one for myself.

14. Make sure to add …A Novel to the end of your title. You don’t want people to forget what they are reading.

15. Don’t feel as if anything has to happen. Plots are optional. Two people sitting in a room staring at each other is great material, as long as it is handled with plenty of adjectives and adverbs.

16. Exclamation points! Exclamation points! Exclamation points!

17. Ellipses too…

18.Don’t sweat the order of the action. If the big football game needs to occur just after the prom, then that is when it should be.

19. Nothing beats a catch phrase! I call Snoogity Bottom.

20. Brothers are always very different and they always argue about everything. Never portray brothers who are similar and get along unless they are twins (except if one is an evil twin). If they are twins they must finish each other’s sentences and no one should be able to tell them apart.

21. Sisters must always steal each other’s boyfriends. Additionally, one sister must be outgoing and the other must be quiet and serious. This makes no difference to the boyfriend though, he’ll gladly dump either for the other.

22. Don’t start your novel with an interesting event. Take a few dozen pages to explain everything that would lead up to that interesting event. The reader will gladly hang around until you get to the point.

23. Don’t make your secondary characters interesting. It will just detract from the main characters. Lesser characters don’t need reasons for their actions. They are just there to keep the plot moving.

24. If the plot seems to slow down, give someone a gun or a knife and kill off one of those secondary characters you don’t care about anyway.

25. Writing a book about vampires? You probably don’t need any help making it bad, but you should definitely make sure you show how cool it is to be a vampire and make up your own rules for the way vampires can die or have sex.

26. If you are writing about sports, make it clear that sports always provide important life lessons. Make sure the novel has one obsessive and one downtrodden coach.

27. If you want to write a serious novel, make sure the main character is jaded and has lost interest in life. This anti-hero must view all other people as phonies, fakes or idiots. The character should experiment with drugs and sex. At some point the character should watch someone die or at least be assaulted. At no point should the anti-hero feel any real pleasure. Happy endings are strictly prohibited.

28. Writing a mystery? Make sure the clues are really obvious or really obscure. Either way, your hero will be the only person who can piece these things together. At some point they must accuse the wrong person and be ridiculed for it. In the end though, they should deliver a speech that explains exactly how everything happened.

29. Character conversations should always be used to explain what is happening and how people are feeling. It is perfectly natural to have a character explain to his office mate (whose brother is a bank president) that he used to be a safe cracker, but now he just wants to go straight.

30. Don’t forget to use italics when you want to emphasize something.

31. At the end of the book, you must have the main character reach an important and life-changing epiphany. Make that epiphany really obvious. Don’t worry about why they had one, just make sure they had it so the reader knows the book is ending.

32. Editing is just a waste of time. Spell check it and move on.

Maybe this could work....

2008-08-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

So I was on the World Vision website today looking for a job for when I graduate. What, you say, I still have three more years of school? Posh. I can be prepared! It is an internship, non-paid and part-time, which has the official title of "Writer/Communications Assistant." I would copy and paste the job description and all that, but the computer doesn't want to, and I bow to its whims because I don't know what else to do. So go to worldvision.org and click on careers, and then internships and then locations, and then internships in federal way wa, and then on the title I typed above. Maybe if you feel like taking that much trouble (highly doubtful) you will find it.

Final

2008-07-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am done with The Book!!! I am very relieved and happy to be done. On to fame and stardom!

Hope

2008-07-24T15:15:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited about going to Lassen this year. I just don't want to be too excited anticipating something that might not even happen. (Lassen will happen for sure, just certain events there might not). I try not to imagine what might happen or get my hopes up too much about things that I'm just wishing would happen.

I was told last night that I was volunteered to be in charge of the music at camp too. Hum. Okay, stop humming....Anyway, hopefully I won't actually have to do anything and it will sound spectacular. Yeah right.

And we have to do cabin presentations again and I really hate getting up on stage. I'm hoping my girls will all be closet opera singers or break dancers or something cool. At least cooler than me.

We leave on Saturday! Hooray!

Sara Rose

2008-07-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

[I hope you don't mind I stole this from your myspace bulletin, but I liked it]

This made me laugh a little, and then realize again the sacredness of the gift that God gives us.

Are you afraid of falling in love?

Sure. When you fall in love your only long-term options are breaking up, dying, or getting married, and all of those are pretty scary, if you ask me.

Viva la Vida

2008-07-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

This year I was asked to be a counselor at Lassen, and I agreed. I'm pretty excited about it--I've been feeling kind of old being in a cabin (this is my tenth year in a row at lassen and eleventh overall). But I'm also intimidated (story of my life). Who am I to be teaching or to think I could teach younger girls? What makes me so special and experienced to be able to guide them in a sort of right way? I guess the answer is that nothing makes me that. But God will give me the wisdom to know how to lead discussion and answer any questions. I don't have grand aspirations; I'm really hoping I get really really talkative girls so I don't have to say too much. But I wouldn't mind being a role model of some sort, even if it's just for a week. Or five days actually. The only bummer is the 6:30 am prayer meeting. Coffee will be my new best friend. And naps. Although naps have always been a good buddy of mine.

I had a revelation. While I can not be as moved by God sending His Son for billions and billions of people, it is "an embarrassment of love" [C.S. Lewis] for Him to send Jesus just for me. And that's what He did.

Hmmm....

2008-07-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I might not have a sinus infection. Now I have no idea what the spot in my sinuses is. A radiologist will hopefully be able to tell me.

So after all that rigamarole about not being able to go to Shallowbrook because of work, I didn't work this whole week. I'm annoyed. So I've been writing, hanging at basketball camp, and generally doing nothing and feeling irritated that I was not in Illinois. I guess there's a point in me not going. At least I get to go to Lassen!

I thought I was having a heart attack today. My heart did a funny couple of jumps and made my chest ache and then I was gasping for breath. It was weird. And I was home alone. But I didn't die and I have full use of my left side, so I'm good. Just paranoid.

And I thought of something I could do when I graduate for a job that involves an English degree. I could edit/publish a magazine for girls! Too bad Brio's already beat me to the punch. But I could do something different and fresh, something that will actually teach teenage girls to be smart and not shallow, to be informed and not just obssessed with relationships. I already have an idea for the name of it. That's the thing with me--I get an idea and then I go crazy with it for about a week and then it loses its novelty. But that's okay for now. I still have three more years of school. =)

Can anyone recommend a stellar devotional book?

Aha!

2008-07-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

I finally found Mom's secret stash of moonshine....that's what was in that Mason canning jar in the fridge.

What is that spot in my nose??

2008-07-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

So today I had a dental scan (a reall high-tech 3d xray) done and I found out that I have a sinus infection. This revelation was so strange to me. I feel fine! Yet, the technician/xray reading expert informed that the large gray blob in the black space where my nose is is, in fact, a sinus infection. Hm. I think it's from when I got sick at school in January and my nose hasn't been clear since. But the scan was cool.

I wish I was at a lake in Illinois right now. Stephanie left yesterday and Hannah leaves tomorrow and I want to go!!! Stupid work! Although money is good, right? But I think Shallowbrook is better. Ah well, I'll have to be content with Lassen.

I need to go write.

Cry

2008-07-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

I am bored.

I am restless.

I am grumpy.

That's kind of awkward

2008-06-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

So I was over at my lovely friend Sara's page, which she recently redesigned, and in her side links to other people's blogs, there was me. And a little snippet of my previous post. And it was talking about my teeth. And I thought, Who would want to come visit my blog if it looked like I was just talking about gross body things. So that's why I'm updating.

I have recently rediscovered my rapturous love for Anne of Green Gables. I've watched the movies again and started reading the books. That series is among my favorite books ever. Ranks right up there with Little Women and The Melendy Family and All of a Kind Family. Anne, as a young girl, is someone I wish I could meet. Those books inspire me to write. I think maybe I'll live on PEI for a while at some point in time. (That's Prince Edward Island, for all you uneducated nonreaders out there).

My job is going fine. I thought I broke the yogurt machine the other day. I pulled the handle down and yogurt was winding happily into the cup when the handle just let go of the machine. I stood, rather confused, with the yogurt overflowing the cup and the handle in my hand, and yelled "Trrraacccyyy!" All the customers were watching with amused/slightly sympathetic looks on their faces. So Tracy came and fixed it (not without some bewilderment on her part though, in my defense).

And my life has settled down more of late, as far as emotions go. I'm okay now to be in my life (although I'd much rather be Anne Shirley and get Gilbert Blythe) and just doing what I'm doing. I think I was just going a little stir-crazy for a while.

Here's a little something wise from Anne of Avonlea. It reminds me of my position and what people have said to me:

(Mrs. Allan speaking to Anne)
"I hope you'll have a good time, Anne. You've worked very hard this past year and you have succeeded."
"Oh, I don't know. I've come so far short in so many things. I haven't done what I meant to do when I began to teach [in my case, went to school] last fall....I haven't lived up to my ideals."
"None of us ever do," said Mrs. Allan with a sigh. "But then, Anne, you know what Lowell says, 'Not failure but low aim is crime.' We must have ideals and try to live up to them, even if we never quite succeed. Life would be a sorry business without them. With them its grand and great. Hold fast to your ideals, Anne."
" I shall try. But I have let go of most of my theories," said Anne, laughing a little. "I had the most beautiful set of theories you ever knew when I started out as a schoolma'am [student], but every one has failed me at some pinch or another."

Hello, sunshine!

2008-06-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

Update on my tooth: I need it pulled. =( And an implant which will cost something around $2500. Sorry, Mom and Dad!

Update on my job: I got a job at Marble Slab Creamery(which is like Coldstone but better!) and I'm working my first shift today at 1. So yeah. I hate the need for money.

And because of my job, I couldn't go to the desert to relax and tan with my mom and sisters. So I am home alone. Please don't stalk me now that I told you that.....ha just kidding.

I am a lazy bum.

The police called this morning (at least I think he said he was from some sort of police) and all I could think was that my mom and sisters crashed the car on the way out there. But he wanted to talk to Dad and he said he'd call back tomorrow. So I guess it wasn't too big of a deal. =)

Not for the squeamish

2008-06-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

One of my teeth has been hurting for a couple months now, but because I was at school, there wasn't much I could do about it. So Mom made me an appointment at the dentist. I'm thinking, No big deal, just a average cavity. Well, I just found out that I'm going to need some pretty major dental work. The cavity in question (which is actually quite large) is completely under my gum line. So he will have to drill through my okay part of tooth to see how bad the decay is. If he can even save my tooth, he will have to cut away a lot of gum so he can fill it and quite possibly might have to remove some bone too. That is, if he can even save the tooth. And if the decay hit the nerve, I'll need a root canal.

And the other tooth that was hurting also has a pretty good-sized cavity in it.

I asked if he could just put me out while he did it, but he's not allowed. I'm sort of feeling like a baby about it and just want to cry. I do not like going to the dentist and getting that stuff done. No matter how much they numb it, I always feel pain. Maybe they'll let me watch a movie.

I'm going in tomorrow to get it done. =( I am going to be miserable.

Poop

2008-06-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

I might have a real job. A week ago, I would have been relieved. Now I am disappointed. I just figured out yesterday (and cleared with Mom) that I could make my book editing money stretch over the whole summer and then I could go to Shallowbrook!! Yay! I wasn't able to find a job, no one was hiring me, and I'm only home for 8 more weeks before I go back to school. And I desperately want to go to Shallowbrook. So we decided that we would see what happened tonight at my job interview (because I figured that they wouldn't want to hire me for 7 weeks). Well, the interview went well and now I think I might have a job. The owner is going to call me tomorrow. =(

I need money. But I need Shallowbrook more. =)

Futility

2008-06-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, the feeling of not being able to find a job and being nagged and scolded about it. Ah, the feeling of trying to not take personally the indignity of not being hired...anywhere. Ah, the feeling of going nowhere, just running in circles with life. Ah, the feeling of the lack of self-control. Ah, the feeling of isolation from God. Ah, the feeling of crumminess. Ah, the feeling of insuffiency. Ah, the feeling of wanting to escape and not being able to. Ah, the feeling of needing money and yet hating it. Ah, the feeling of conformity. Ah, the feeling of personal change and not being able to change triumphantly, concretely for the better.

Ah, how those feelings never seem to leave, always seem to be laughing at me, frustrating my efforts at every turn. They taunt, wearying my brain until it wants to give up and just lay in bed all day. They make me feel helpless, watching God from a distance, trying to let Him back in, yet too tired to do so. Ah, feelings.

A Tale of Two Hawks

2008-06-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

Benjamin Hawk and Ophelia Hawk were in love. And they were looking for a place to live. They swooped low over empty dirt lots, crowded parking lots, and congested streets. They searched high and low for the perfect home. But they just couldn't find one! They tried a tree for a while, but it looked too domestic for such fearsome birds of prey as themselves. They tried a hole in the ground, but the gophers drove them out (I guess they're not very fearsome after all). They tried telephone wires, but their feet were too big and they would just swing around in circles and get dizzy. Finally, after they had almost given up, they found it.

"Look, Benjamin! The perfect home!" Ophelia squawked her joy.

"Where?" Benjamin was almost completely blind and usually ran into things before he found them.

"Over there. There is a glorious telephone pole! It is high and majestic, like a noble tree. And yet it's simple and a perfect place to raise our children!" Ophelia flapped over and landed on the pole, testing it out. Benjamin ran into it. He scrabbled up the pole and landed next to her.

"It does seem like a nice place. Is it for sale?"

Ophelia rolled her eyes. "Silly, telephone poles are never for sale." She sighed in contentment. "Yes, this will be the perfect place to live."

And so they lived there. And then one day, with the help of prescription glasses from Walmart, Benjamin noticed something....

"Ophelia, look down below."

"What about it?"

"We seem to be pooping all over that little red car."

"So? Humans don't care about us. We can poop where we like."

"But I've seen the girl who drives that car. She's little and pretty and has nice brown hair and seems like she loves the Lord. Maybe we shouldn't poop on her car."

Ophelia gave her husband hawk a strange glance. "Maybe she should park it somewhere else."

And so she did. With great annoyance.

BS

2008-06-04T12:57:00.000-07:00

We are doing a new study in Bible Study which I'm pretty excited about. It's a study (wow, the word "study" three times in two sentences!!) on Dietrich Bonhoeffer and the Cost of Discipleship. I hope it will be challenging and insightful and disturbing. I hope that we don't look at it like we've always looked at everything. I hope we don't think that our efforts as of now are good enough. I hope we really try to take it to heart and learn. It should rock our little Christian bubbles.

I think we should read "The Irresistible Revolution" as a companion study, but I'm not sure the group is ready for the kind of radicalism Shane Claiborne promotes. I really enjoyed the part of the book I read, and I really should finish it. It addresses poverty, war, sacrifice, and what Christian living should look like. Some of his ideas might be too extreme for some--not everyone is called to drop everything (family, friends, comfort) to live among the homeless--although I greatly greatly admire those who do. I can't fathom the depth of their passion for Christ that would lead them to those lengths. I know God still calls some to minister to the hurting and needy in their roles of businessman, wife, mailman, child. But I hope that we are looking for the ways in our lives that we could be giving up more for Jesus--even if it's just climbing out of our comfort zones.

How many times do we drive past the homeless man on the corner, avoiding eye contact guiltily. We have $5 we could give him--heck, compared to him, we really could do without. But who knows what he's going to spend it on? Drugs? Alchohol? Why can't we just give it to him and trust God? I'm not saying I'm any better at this. Most of the time I actually don't have any cash and, I have to admit, I'm too lazy or too much in a hurry to stop somewhere and get him some food. And I'm tired of using the excuse: "Well, I have to be more careful, because I'm a girl." You know, he might rape me or something. I think God would protect me, and besides, I'd be doing it in broad daylight with many others around.

Well, that turned into a long rant. I like ranting. Maybe I'll rant some more another time about modesty. I just read a book and now I've been thinking a lot about it.

Yay, we have high speed internet back!

Let's Be Friends?

2008-05-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

I think I've figured out why I don't really have any close close friends. I am secretly intimidated and scared by people's problems. My life is pretty even-keel, not much drama, not too many issues. So when my friends maybe want to talk about their deeper feelings, I draw back because I'm not really sure how to handle it. Do I offer advice? Just listen? Hug them? I end up feeling awkward. I really want to be someone's best friend who they share things with and with whom I can talk about deep feelings. But I end up just being the friend that is just there to hang out and have fun with. It happened in high school, and it's happening again in college. It always feels like a one-way street--I share, and the other person listens, and then goes on their merry way. Maybe I just don't realize that they're sharing their heart when they talk to me, but it sure doesn't usually feel that way.

Maybe I should not feel sorry for myself.

Verse-that-can-be-taken-ridiculously-out-of-context Friday

2008-05-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

"Mom, why did Aunt Susie try to dry her hair in the toaster oven?"

"Because God deprived her of wisdom, and did not endow her with her share of understanding."

(Job 39:17)

Long time....

2008-05-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

Blogger has been stupid and I have been lazy. That is why I have not posted anything in a while. But now things have happened, so I must inform all those who hang on my every word what is going on in my life. =)

This summer, for a month, I am helping an author write a novel. He sends me a chapter, written very badly like a movie script, and I write it like a novel. I have a lot of questions for him but overall sounds like a really cool experience.

I am also trying to get hired at Coldstone, although I almost hope that I don't get hired because then I could work at Marble Slab (which is exactly like Coldstone, just better) and not have to take out my nose ring or sing and dance. But we'll see what God has for me.

I have a new blog "series" coming soon....Watch for "Verses-to-take-ridiculously-out-of-context Fridays." Hopefully, I won't forget this Friday....

I've succumbed

2008-05-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

1) What's the full name on your birth certificate?Abigail JaneAnne Foyle

2) When was the last time you were told you were beautiful? I wish it was recently (yes, this could be read as a plea for a concilatory "Abby, you are beautiful") =)

4) Is your phone within a meter radius of you? No

5) Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from? See above question? Not getting it to see

6) What is bothering you right now? My lack of self-control in certain areas of my life

7) Was New Years enjoyable? Not really. Some of it was. I cried for a lot of it.

8) Who was the last person to play with your hair? My mom? Maybe?

9) Do you miss someone right now? Hmmm...Jenny, Sara, Emma, Lora, Laura, Grecia.....the list goes on and on

10) What does your last received text message say? See question 5

12) What is your favorite color?Blue or purple or green

13) Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? No, I have no money. I almost went the other night, but I didn't have money.

14) When was the last time you got a back massage? 5 days, 13 hours, and 24 seconds ago

15) Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films? Depends on how realistic they are. Saw? Didn't get too too scared... No Country For Old Men? Nearly had a panic attack on the way back up to my room

16) If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it? Saving sounds so good, but clothes look better. =)

17) If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay? Yes, especially since it would be dead because I would smash it with my shoe.

18) What are you doing this weekend? Cleaning my stuff out of the garage and running a 5k.

19) Last place you went out to eat? Chili's!

20) Where are you right now? My living room in front of the the (surprise!) computer

21) Are you listening to music right now? Nope!

22) Do you have any enemies? Sometimes I like to think I do because maybe it would mean someone would be jealous of me but then I realize that that is ridiculous and I would really hate it if anyone hated me

23) What does your tenth text message say? O don't have that many messages overall =)

25) Hows the weather today?It was a very nice breezy day!

26) When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? I don't know. Maybe recently...

27) What are you thinking about right now? this survey...i usually don't think about more than one thing at once. =)

28)When was the last time you intentionally made someone cry? I'm not sure I ever have. I have deliberately made people mad, but I never mean to push them to the point of tears

30) What are you doing tomorrow? Running a 5k and cleaning out the garage

31) What are you doing tonight? Going to bed and sleeping!

32) Could you date someone taller then you? Yes please. In fact, I like my men over 6 feet tall. =)

33) Next time you will kiss someone? How am I supposed to predict this???

34) Where was your default picture taken? on the green outside my dorm

35) What's your favorite number? 21

36) What is your current mood? Guilty that I'm not in bed yet...I'm getting up at 6:30 am tomorrow

38) What sport do you enjoy watching? usc football, duck's hockey, fpu basketball

39) Ever had a near death experience? I almost drowned when I was 2. My dad saved my life. =)

40) What was the highlight of your week? Losing my love handles...=)

41) Are you happy right now? Overall, yes.

42) Whats the last thing someone said to you? "What are you laughing at?" (At the moment, I was reading Katie Friesen's blog=))

43) Where is your phone? In my room

44) Who/what do you hate/dislike currently? I dislike....job hunting.

45) Have you ever been given an engagement ring? Um, nope. My friends are cheap.

46) When is your Birthday? November 8th. It's okay. You can still send that present now. I won't return it. =)

47) How do you feel about your hair right now? Hm, it's pretty good. I want to dye it again.

48) What do you miss most about the past? Being carefree

49) Are you afraid of falling in love? Only if the person didn't love me back. But I love the idea of it anyway.

50) Do you have anyone who you consider a brother/sister but they really aren't? I would do anything for my close friends. I guess that really didn't answer the question, but it explains the way I feel about them. So, whatever.

51) How many people did you hug today? I jumped on top of my mom. Does that count?

52) Do you like country music? Yes, certain songs I enjoy. Don't ask me to name them because I don't really know.

53) Did any of your friends go out with any of your ex's? I don't own a letter of the alphabet. And if I did, I would certainly not let any of my friends do anything with it.

54) Are looks important? Yes, I would truly like to not be repulsed at the sight of others

55) Have you ever had someone sing to you? I declare this a ridiculous question. Anyone who has had a birthday has had someone sing to them. And everyone has had a birthday. So, logically, everyone has had someone sing to them.

56) Are you mad at someone right now? No. Maybe a certain boy for being flirty. And not flirty with me. =)

57) Where do you keep your money? In the bank? Isn't that where most people keep it?

58) Do you have any tattoos or piercings? I have three piercings--two in my ears and one in my nose

59) Do you believe in love? All you need is love. Heck yes I do.

60) How old do you want to be when you have kids? That really depends on when I get married. When I was young and played dress-up, I would be married at 18 and having children by 19 or 20. I'm sort of behind that timeline. I only have about 6 more months to find a man. Augh. And here I am wasting time on blogger.

61) What would you do if someone smacked your butt? I would smack theirs back. Unless it was someone I didn't know. Or a man.

62) Is there something that has happened in your past that you really hate talking about? I feel like I'm pretty open about most things. It would depend, however, on the person I was talking about the "something" with.

I used the word "depend" a lot in this survey.

Summer!

2008-05-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Things I want to get accomplished this summer:

1. Get a job
2. Make a quilt for my bed for next year
3. Complete the Advanced Math book
4. Learn to cook without burning or ruining something
5. Get a tan
6. Learn graciousness and patience

Life--ever confusing, rarely fulfilling

2008-05-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should be doing something grand and wonderful with my life. I feel like I should be adventurous, living somewhere else for the summer, volunteering to help those who are in need, learning about God and His heart, and maturing as a person. Yet I am at home, looking for a job, reading about someone who helps those in need, and forgetting to read my Bible. I want to be someone I'm not right now but could become at some point in life. I'm just tired of waiting until I'm old enough to become that person. What am I doing in my life that truly glorifies God? What am I doing that matters?

Of home, pain, and cleaning

2008-05-04T20:12:00.001-07:00

Well, I am home for the summer. I'm very glad to be back and settling in with my family. I get to go shopping with my grandma tomorrow, so I'm definitely excited about that. =) I also miss my friends froms school! It's weird, after seeing them pretty much everyday for about 8 months, to suddenly not see them at all. And I'm back in this "world." My home world and my school rarely, if ever, mix, so it's hard to even talk about school things or people because it's hard for my family to relate. Ah well. Summer will still be fun.

Today, I was pulling my very large and very heavy suitcase in from the garage and I ran it over my big toe, which pulled the nail up and made it bleed. It hurts a lot and looks gross. Ouch.

Speaking of pain, my kitty has had a bump on his side for a while now. My mom was planning on taking him in yesterday for vaccinations and to get the bump (which was making him act weird and not eat very much) looked at. Well, I got a phone call from Stephanie on Friday as Mom and I were driving through Bakersfield on the way home from school. She said that the bump (which was the size of a small fist) had exploded on the chair and she was taking him to the vet. It turned out he had been in a fight and gotten bit pretty deep and an abcess had formed. So he had surgery yesterday and now he has a cone and stitches and a tube to flush the wound and a tube that oozes pus constantly. Yeah. It's as gross as it sounds. And he wanted to sleep on my bed today. I put him on a towel.

I have no idea where I'm going to put all my stuff. Ergh. And I have a lot of clothes...and a lot of other random stuff...hopefully it can mostly stay in the garage. The End.

I love lamp

2008-04-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

This is Jenny, my roommate for next year. We like each other.

My sister graduated from college! I am very proud of her! Especially since she graduated with magna cum laude honors. (I always want to spell that "magma," especially after earth science). It was a fun weekend. The end.

I am officially done with my freshman year!!!! I took my last final today and now I am home free! Yay! I feel like life is flying by...

Jenny and I got a free lamp today. It is cool. It is multiheaded. And multicolored. We are so excited for next year when we can live together! We will definitely be bringing sexy back. =)

My room is bare and depressing. My roomie already left on Tuesday with all her stuff. It is sad. Her roommates next year at state have a stripper pole in their kitchen. Ha. That is funny to me. =)

<3

2008-04-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

see more crazy cat pics

Warning!

2008-04-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

This blog will be undergoing some extreme neglect in the next week. Reasons include, but are not limited to, 20 pages of writing, two tests, one friend's performance, one English Major dinner, one handbell concert, one long drive to Redding, one sister's graduation, fun with friends, and one long drive back from Redding.

You've been officially warned. I'll be back within a couple weeks. Maybe to recap the semester. Maybe not.

I hate leg cramps

2008-04-20T20:06:00.001-07:00

I am back. I had fun. I am exhausted. I have my living for next year figured out. I am exhausted. Good night.

Yay tour!

2008-04-18T10:30:00.001-07:00

Today my handbell choir is going on a tour. To Southern California. To my house. I am excited. !!!!!!! It will be lots of fun and I get to see the fam. Bye!

Whimper

2008-04-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

I am getting the biggest, itchiest bug bites right now and they are driving me crazy. =[

WishGlad

2008-04-14T23:55:00.001-07:00

I wish that...

People would update their blogs.

I could write out my thoughts so they make sense.

I could rely fully on God for everything.

I could write something worthwhile on here.

I could be more tenderhearted.

I could be more wise and discerning.

I could feel attractive.

I could be done with school right now.

I didn't have these itchy bug bites.

I could go swimming.

I'm glad...

God has done amazing things in my life.

I'm at this school.

I have amazing friends.

I have blue eyes.

I can play Frisbee at night.

I can do (almost) whatever I want.

I am independent. (except for the whole "parents are paying for college" thiing =])

People like me.

I have a great family.

My biggest wish...

I wish that 'Arry would like me!!!!!!! Wahhhh!!! (inside joke with people that don't read this blog)

Run?

2008-04-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

I went to one of our home track meets today and I realized I really have no desire to run track next year. Wait, maybe I do. I can't decide. Part of me is watching all the sports this year and missing doing them like I did in high school. Another part of me is adjusting to just doing intramurals. I have to admit it's intimidating to be somewhere where the girls are better then me at many sports. I don't mean that in a egotistical, arrogant way. All through high school, though, I did receive many honors and awards for excelling in whatever sport I happened to be playing. It's very humbling getting stuffed by another girl in basketball and knowing the best time in the 100 meter for girls today was 12.5, which is a whole second faster than my PR in high school. Here people are smarter, faster, funnier, cooler, and prettier. I always feel like I have to compete, and in some cases, that feeling is supported by the reactions those people get from others. I hate feeling inferior and I know I have no reason to. But! there are times when life is discouraging and you get in a funk.

It's time to get out.

I wish I could go on a road trip somewhere, anywhere.

Quality Learning For All: A Rebuttal

2008-04-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today, as I was reading the most recent issue of the Syrinx, I came upon the article titled “Quality Learning for All.” In it, the author made an argument against homeschooling that might be very persuasive for those who are not informed about the true nature of homeschooling. I would like to examine some of this author’s opinions and state why I believe these to be falsely founded. I would like to start with a personal history of education in my family. As you may have guessed, I am a product of a homeschooling family. I am the second of four children and the second to graduate high school and go on to college after being homeschooled my whole life. My older sister is graduating in three weeks from Simpson University with Magna Cum Laude honors and a degree in psychology. I am a President’s Scholar with a current 3.65 GPA here at Fresno Pacific. My younger two sisters are still being taught at home by my mother, who has a college degree.
“A child in home school education innately demands extra attention and assistance from his or her parents.” There are two underlying issues in this sentence that I would like to address. The first is the question of whether it is a problem that a child receives extra attention from his or her parents. I have always felt that parental attention and individual caring for a child can never be detrimental for that child’s emotional and mental stability. In fact, because I spent so much time with my mom, I have a very close relationship with her and we talk about and work through many issues together in a mature way. The second issue is simply stating that a child being homeschooled does, in fact, need more assistance from their parental unit. From about third grade until I graduated, I basically taught myself. My mother chose the textbooks I would use (although once I was in high school, we chose them together) and planned out what I needed to get done weekly, but beyond that, I worked on my own. If I needed help, she was there to instruct or correct me as need be. Learning on my own actually made me more independent and able to work by myself without outside instruction if the situation called for it.
“Therefore, parents must spend more time working on lesson plans and educational resources instead of going to work and providing for their child.” Nothing in the way homeschooling works prohibits fathers from still having a normal, 9-5 job to support their family. The schooling part of homeschooling has traditionally been left up to the mother. A stay-at-home mom can easily work out lesson plans and provide for her children educationally while her husband provides for them financially. I will admit that in this day and age, it is getting harder and harder to be a single-income family, and my family has definitely felt the effects of it, but it is not worth it to my parents to sacrifice what we think we should be doing for something that does not matter in the long run. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy…but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19-20).
“In addition, the parents are forced to find ways to help their child cultivate friendships, an activity that would come naturally in a public or private school environment.” I always thought it was a privilege for my mom to be able to monitor and encourage healthy friendship where she knew that I was being encouraged and built up. Although homeschooling is based in the home, there are still plenty of opportunities to make friends. When I was young, it was days at the park or events at the skating rink with many other families with children my age that were involved in the same homeschooling program. When I got older, my friendships expanded to girls on my volleyball, basketball, and track teams. Our homeschool non-profit sports program(which hosts the fourth largest national homeschool basketball tournament) has provided quite literally hundreds of kids with the opportunities to develop close and lasting relationships with their peers.
“Parents who believe in home schooling their children because they think the world will tear their children apart are unaware of the damage they themselves are doing.” One of the key reasons that my parents decided to home school me and my sisters was to protect us from the negative influences that are in the public education system. Yes, I am sheltered—there is a reason my friends here call me “Mom,” but I believe I was protected with the best intentions. Maybe my parents should have let me be more exposed to a wider variety of things, but they made their decisions prayerfully and as wisely as they humanly could. I believe they based that idea on the concept behind Romans 12:2: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” I do not want to be misunderstood in my use of this verse, so I will clarify briefly what I meant by it. First, let me state that I do not think that homeschoolers are spiritually superior to those in public or private school—I was not trying to imply that in any way. Secondly, I do not mean that we should totally withdraw ourselves from the world. We should still be a witness for Christ and spread the Gospel of love and acceptance in all places to all people. However, I believe that efforts should be taken to remain pure—in mind and body—so we can present ourselves to God blameless.
“By keeping children away from kids their own age, parents are not only infringing upon a very important self-developmental process but also keeping them from learning at the level of the peers.” I was never aware of my parents actually hindering me from making friends of my own age. I had friends of my own age from birth (almost) until now. In fact, I believe that homeschooling promotes befriending people of all ages, since homeschooled kids interact with others both in their peer group and those either older or younger. And I guess it is true—I did not learn at the level of my peers. I learned above it. I skipped grades in multiple subjects multiple times. I learned at my own pace and I got ahead. Homeschooling is a great way to be able to let children learn above and beyond what they could have learned in public school where they are restricted to a certain grade level and class.
I will be the first to admit that homeschooling is not for everyone. This was very strongly illustrated to me in the case of a really good friend of mine. To avoid going into needless detail, I will simply say that he would have gotten a much better education had he gone to a public or private school. The point of this rebuttal was not to bash parents who choose to use the public education system to teach their children or adamantly state that everyone who has children should, without question, homeschool their children, rather, I felt that a much broader view of homeschooling should be made known. Yes, there are homeschoolers who are socially awkward. I actually claim to be in that group sometimes when I feel ignorant of what people are talking about. But let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Homeschooling, when done well by the proper people, reaps astounding benefits.

Quality Learning For All

2008-04-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

This is an article that was published in the school newspaper this issue to which I wrote a rebuttal which I will post soon.

All laws set aside, the concept of home schooling has never been a logical or ethical choice for any family. Having been home-schooled, I can say from first-hand experience that it is not the right route for parents to take. Though my mother is a very intelligent woman and taught my sister and me well, I still do not believe that home schooling provides the best education or learning environment for children.

A child in home school education innately demands extra attention and assistance from his or her parents. Therefore, parents must spend more time working on lesson plans and eductional resources instead of going to work and providing for their child as they could be doing if the child were inrolled in a public or private school. In addition, the parents are forced to find ways to help their child cultivate friendships, an activity that would come naturally in a public or private school environment.

A recent case that has been brought up involving home school is that of the Long family. Details of this case are not specific to my topic, but it caused the court of appeals ruled that, "persons between the ages of six and 18 are to be in school, the public full-time day school, with exemptions allowed for those in a private fulltime day school or those instructed by a tutor who holds a valid state teaching credential for the grade being taught."

I believe that the most effective way to educate a child is through the public private school system. This allows for the individual to be part of a community of people outside of the family. This is important for the developmental process of the child.

According to travel writer, cultural historian and literary critic Robert McFarlane, "The social process and the individual process are not only similar. They are interdependent. Individuals develop with the active support of the society and societies' development by the creative contributions of individuals."

Parents who believe in home schooling their children because they think the world will tear their children apart are unaware of the damage they themselves are doing. By keeping children away from kids their own age, parents are not only infringing upon a very important self-developmental process but also keeping them from learning at the level of their peers.

When I transitioned from home school to public school, I very quickly fell behind in classes that I normally did well in when it was just my mother teaching me. I believe that the state of California is right in requiring parents to have a certain level of education. If the parents really cared about their child, they would insist that the child get the best education there is. To assume that this education can only come from them is not only naive but narcissictic as well.

Rebuttal to come soon...=)

Duel of the Moods

2008-04-07T20:29:00.001-07:00

So this post will be divided up into two sections: How I felt yesterday and how I feel today.

How I felt yesterday:

I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I feel like I'm missing something huge and important and I'm not sure if it's school-related or life. I have so many little regrets that maybe haven't affected my life in the big picture, but have really caused me to question now if my life would have been different. Maybe if I had started that paper a month ago, I wouldn't be stressing about it now. Maybe if I had gotten a job last summer or even last school year, I would have some money now. Maybe if I had been a little more outgoing at the beginning of the year, I would have had more friends. Maybe if I had taken a risk and talked to him, he would have liked me back. Maybe if I hadn't been so gullible, I wouldn't have been deceived and hurt. Maybe if I had written that last paper for Physical Science, I could have had an A instead of a B. Maybe if I hadn't said that one thing in my RA interview, I would have had my "dream job." Maybe if I hadn't popped that zit last night, I wouldn't have had this gross red spot on my face today................and on and on. I just feel like I'm missing something. I feel like the clock's winding down on something and I feel panicked about getting that thing done. Don't ask me what it is. Maybe I'm going to die soon. I don't want to die. Tired....

How I feel today:

Life is exciting and I'm so looking forward to next year and all it brings: New amazing classes, a good job, a tutoring job, new friends, new experiences! And I'm so stoked that Jenny and I have officially decided to backpack across Europe after we graduate. We're serious about it and we've started making general plans which excites me so much!

There's a lot more for yesterday, but don't be deceived. I feel much higher on the happy side today than I felt on the whatever side yesterday. Although, I do keep flipflopping back and forth between these emotions, right now, for the most part, I'm staying on the happy side.

Now if only people would come up to my floor and talk to me so I don't feel so lonely...=)

Mennonites are my new favorite thing

2008-04-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

So this weekend is the MCC (Mennonite Central Committee) sale, which is a fundraiser for (I think) world relief organizations, or something like that. A fundraiser for a good thing. So there is a book sale, a gym full of quilts, and booths full of yummyness. I had a funnel cake, which was amazing, two zwiebachs, and a fritter. I love Mennonite food! I also had a chili dog, but you can make that at home with no problem. I'm volunteering tomorrow, which means I get a free tshirt! Yay!

Oh, and my exciting news! I got the job I applied for for next year. I'm going to be a Mentor's Assistant, which means I will be assisting a Mentor in the Bible class that all incoming freshman have to take. I'll be checking papers and taking attendance and helping mentor younguns and helping with service projects and asking meaningful questions and being amazing. I'm really stoked especially because I get to go on the Leadership Retreat again! It will be way more fun this year now that I know people.

Goodnight.

Oh Life

2008-03-31T15:38:00.000-07:00

I just want school to be over. And yet, I am really sad that it will be over in 3 weeks. I will not see my friends for a very long time. And some will not be here next year. And some I will be rooming with! I wish I had something profound to say, but I have nothing.

Is that a velociraptor???

*inside joke*

Tired...

2008-03-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

As always...

Maybe I should not play basketball. I get a little too riled up sometimes. My intramural team finally won last night so we get to go to playoffs! Yay! The second team we played was little more...fiesty than the first we played and there was couple heated moments between a couple guys. And I shoved a guy for no reason after the whistle was blown. No one saw I don't think. =/ yeah.

The school year is coming to a close. Only three more full weeks of school after tomorrow! I'm sad. I love school and I can't believe that one year could go by so quickly. I can't imagine how fast the other 3 are going to go. And then there's life in the real world. Agh.

I need to be typing up a script right now. Goodbye.

Once Upon A Time

2008-03-25T20:32:00.001-07:00

There was a girl who was bored. And nothing helped.

In Lit class we are performing Twelfth Night. Except our group has to rap it. Oh yeah. I'm such a g. And I just realized that I will be playing Antonio. Who is gay. Yay!

No, I will not wish you Happy Easter

2008-03-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

My Easter weekend was surprisingly good considering I wasn't with my family.It was relaxing and although boring at times, an all around good time. Pretty much absolutely no one was on campus and only Sara, Emma, and I were on my floor, but that was nice for our 3 am talk. On Sunday I went to Lora's church with Katie and then to Lora's house for an amazing (flavorful!) lunch. Then Katie and I came back and headed out to another church with Sara for a potluck dinner. Upon arriving at 5:30, we realized that there was a church service before the potluck and that we had already missed half of it. Not wanting to create a disturbance, we sat in the car for 20 minutes and then decided we could wait outside where it was cooler due to a nice breeze. So we sat on a bench and waited for the service to get over so we could find people that Sara and Katie knew. We scouted any eligible young men as we watched for Sara and Katie's friend (no luck, poo). We saw their friend, she asked if Sara and I were sisters (we're not) and then proceeded to disappear with her friend. So we waited in the potluck line for 20 minutes, decided we really weren't hungry, skipped a bunch of people, grabbed chips, got lemonade, and I stole a cup full of cookies (hey, they were those wonderful pink and white frosted animal cookies!). Then we went to go shopping to find underwear but all the stores were closed because it was Easter. So we pretty much went to church to steal some food and then leave right away. I thought it was funny, but maybe you had to be there...

Then we sat in Katie's room and played KillMarryDo for a very long time and then went to Starbucks, came back and watched Arrested Development until about 11 at which point we came back and went to bed.

The End.

Lesbo, Schmesbo

2008-03-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Walmart with Eric, Stephen, Jarrod, and Josh. I was standing in the aisle waiting for them to make up their minds as to what they wanted when a little short older lady came up to me and said, "Oh my, you have little doll legs. They're just so cute!" I replied, "Thank you" and then the boys laughed at me. "A lesbian just hit on Abby!" I don't think she was a lesbian. I think she was just a weird old lady that had missed the class on Social Etiquette 101. I immediately wanted to go straight home and put on pants.

5 Years Later...

2008-03-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

I actually have two scenarios: one where I see myself realistically in five years, and one where I see myself ideally in five years.

First scenario:

I'll be out of college for almost a year with a degree in English and lots of general ed under my belt. I'll be living at home with my parents and JoEllen (who will be a junior? sophomore?) and be working at some minimum-wage job. I'll be hanging with my high school friends and maybe even helping my dad coach basketball or something. Pretty much I'll be in high school again without the school part. Not to be cynical or anything.

Second scenario:

*Still graduated from college with a degree in English and lots of general ed under my belt* I'll be on my own maybe in another state working at a really cool job maybe like being a "household helper" where I nanny, help clean house, run errands, do little odd jobs, maybe even do some writing for something random. I'll be saving money and learning French to prepare for my year(or so)-long stay in Paris. I'll be starting to talk to or see someone serious and also be very mature of course. And have long hair. And clear skin.

I like the second scenario better.

Before I answer the question...

2008-03-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

I think I need to live in Montana.

New!

2008-03-17T21:37:00.001-07:00

Hm, let's try something new. Since I sort of have a boring life that doesn't see much action, maybe the few people who read this can ask me a question. Anything. Personal. Opinion. Favorite things. Whatever. Anyone? Anyone?

Yikes.

2008-03-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

I think my brain is shutting down.

I cut my own hair today. I guess that is related to my brain shutting down. I didn't ruin it, however, which I am greatly thankful for.

Weekend cafeteria is the saddest excuse for food ever.

Why am I complaining? At least I have food to eat.

I need school to be over. And yet, I will be very sad when it is. I hope my summer ideas work out.

Whoa Spring

2008-03-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

Ha, Spring Break really threw off my blogging creativity. =)

So it was good. Spring break that is. A little slow, but I got to spend time with my family and friends so overall was a fun break. And now I'm back at school! I'm trying to figure out housing for next year which got a little crazy because one of the girls that I was planning on getting an on-campus apartment with isn't coming back next year and it'll be pretty much impossible to get an apartment with only 3 people. So now the three of us that are left are trying for a three person room, but if we can't get that, I'm not really sure where we're going from there. One of those girls might be studying abroad next semester though, so then it would just leave two of us and then we could just room together in a normal two person room. My life never quite goes how I plan. Maybe God is trying to teach me to relinquish the control I have over my life to Him. Hm. Interesting concept. Maybe I should think about it that way. =)

Also, I would really appreciate prayer for myself. I'm in sort of a depressive weird lonely mood and I need to snap out of it. I literally was in my room for about 5 hours straight today watching The O.C. on my computer. I have not much energy for socialness and I am weary. I feel like I have this complaint a lot and I'm not sure why.

(See, Mom, I'm being more personal!)

On a brighter note, I get to play Ultimate Frisbee tonight! Well, at least I get to run around pretending I'm playing. There's probably going to be a million and one guys out there and not many girls, so I won't get to actually participate that much. I just play to impress boys. =) jk jk

P.S. I like the Step Up 2 soundtrack. I like hip-hop/dance music.

A Peace

2008-02-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

The other day, I told God, "I really want to be closer to You. It's just really hard for me to remember to read Your Word and to communicate with You. Will you help me remember?"

I don't think He rolled His eyes and thought, "Gosh, would this girl just learn to do this by herself for once?"

I think He smiled and said, "Daughter, I would love to."

Hellogoodbye

2008-02-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

I like,
Where we are,
When we drive in your car.
I like where we are...here.

Cause our lips can touch,
And our cheeks can brush.
Our lips can touch...here.

When you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

I like where you sleep when you sleep next to me.
I like where you sleep...Here.

Our lips can touch and our cheeks can brush.
Our lips can touch...here.

When you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

Our lips can touch...Our lips can touch...here.

When you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I’ve missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

When you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I´ve missed you, I've missed you."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms
Here in your arms
Here in your arms

Unintended Vacation

2008-02-21T19:09:00.000-08:00

I slept through both my classes today. I feel really guilty. I am sick, I am worn out from being sick. I am tired from being sick. About an hour after I get up, I feel like going back to bed again. I am a complainer. I need a hug.

My, my

2008-02-20T14:15:00.000-08:00

How time flies!!! It's almost March already. Then it will be April! And then the last week of school in the beginning of May! And then I'll be done with my first year of college! This scares me. If the first year, when I was trying to figure things out, went so quickly, how fast are the other three years when I *know what I'm doing* going to go? Augh. I'm not sure if I'm ready to grow up. Actually, yes, I definitely am.

I love babies. (see above picture)

And a good time was had by all

2008-02-18T19:01:00.001-08:00

Ooooohhhhh.... (to be sung to some sort of version of the tune of Old McDonald)

There was once a big white van
E-I-E-I-O
It traveled all over big San Fran
E-I-E-I-O
And there was a stellar view
A curvy street
And prostitutes too
Yay for good Chinese food
E-I-E-I-O

People filled this grand white van
E-I-E-I-O
It was driven by a very cool man
E-I-E-I-O
We saw some old ladies who we thought were twins
We lusted after crepes with bananas in them
Yay for good clam chowder
E-I-E-I-O

Then this Van took a trip to the beach
E-I-E-I-O
With the cutest little baby you ever did see
E-I-E-I-O
We juggled hot coals in our bare hands
Pushed people over in very cold sand
Yay for double-stuff Oreo's
E-I-E-I-O

That night we had a special treat
E-I-E-I-O
Marshmallows flung at our mouths and feet
E-I-E-I-O
We ripped up phone books like Arnold would
Talked about pysch down in da hood
Yay for low-fat cheese puffs
E-I-E-I-O

Maybe Valentine's Day Isn't So Bad After All

2008-02-14T10:09:00.000-08:00

So far today (it's 10 am) I've gotten a lovely card, three valentines, two tatoos (stick on ones of course), little hearts that spell out "Happy Valentine's Day" taped to my door along with a poem, muddy buddies, kisses (chocolate), and a bag full of goodies. =) And the day's not even half done!

Here's the poem my Jenny wrote for me:

"The apple of my eye! Oh, how your flashing eyes sparkle like a diamond-lit sky, pulling in the light-encased universe, sucking me into the black hole of your irresistable existence."

Maybe I don't a need a boy to make me happy. Maybe I just need friends...

Ohhhh....THAT explains it

2008-02-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

What happens when you visit a house that has had sickness in it?

You get sick.

I feel gross.

Who was yours?

2008-02-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

This week at module meeting, since it's Valentine's Day this week, we each told the story of our first crush. Mine was a boy I had known for most of my life. Our moms were friends, our sisters were friends. We went to the library together every week, we played at Taco Bell afterwards together. We played war. We played with American Girl dolls (I think). We played house. We swung, we ran, we buried a poor dead bug. We had some of the most glorious summer days together. And one day, in my backyard on our swingset monkeybars, he kissed me. On the forehead. I probably thought we were going to get married. Ah, how life changes. =)

Anyone willing to share their story?

This is just my opinion...

2008-02-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

I am tired of having opinions. Of having the pressure to have an opinion about everything. I feel guilty when I have to respond, "Actually, I don't really care" to something someone has said because they obviously feel very strongly about it. Well, I don't mean that in a callous way, but just having to admit that I have zero knowledge on a subject is sort of humbling for me. I feel a lot of pressure here to have an opinion on everything--war, women's role in the church, the infallibility of the Bible, drugs, alcohol, politics, different worship styles, what John Milton means in Paradise Lost, the list goes on and on. Some things I don't have an opinion on because I know nothing about them, others I just don't understand and don't have an answer for.

I am a paradox.

I am tired of not having opinions. Having an opinion on every subject means you know who you are and what you stand for. You can converse intelligently on anything anyone discusses because you believe in one side of it and feel strongly about that. I like the idea of having my life in neat little categories--War-peace is better, women's role in the church-shut up, sit down (I don't really think that, I'm just illustrating a point), the infallibility of the Bible-God wrote it, I believe it...etc.

I've been exposed to so many different points of view since I've been and some of them directly contradict what I've thought my whole life. I want a reason why I should believe what I've always been taught, and the reasons that have been provided for me? Honestly, they often aren't good enough. Not in the sense that they are inferior, but in the sense that they feel like "Because I said so"s. It frustrates me that people who believe so strongly about the way they are doing things can't even seem to provid valid reasons for some of what they do.

Last night, at the Interfaith Scholar Covention, one of the speakers said, "Well, you DO know that Daniel [of the Bible] probably didn't exist." My poor little shaky world was once again rocked. What do you mean, Daniel never existed? All the stories, all the examples that were so much more meaningful when you knew it happened to a real person are crushed, pulverized into little bits of confusion and ignorance.

Who knew that going to a Christian college could be so hard on your faith?