A Tale of Two Hawks

Benjamin Hawk and Ophelia Hawk were in love. And they were looking for a place to live. They swooped low over empty dirt lots, crowded parking lots, and congested streets. They searched high and low for the perfect home. But they just couldn't find one! They tried a tree for a while, but it looked too domestic for such fearsome birds of prey as themselves. They tried a hole in the ground, but the gophers drove them out (I guess they're not very fearsome after all). They tried telephone wires, but their feet were too big and they would just swing around in circles and get dizzy. Finally, after they had almost given up, they found it.

"Look, Benjamin! The perfect home!" Ophelia squawked her joy.

"Where?" Benjamin was almost completely blind and usually ran into things before he found them.

"Over there. There is a glorious telephone pole! It is high and majestic, like a noble tree. And yet it's simple and a perfect place to raise our children!" Ophelia flapped over and landed on the pole, testing it out. Benjamin ran into it. He scrabbled up the pole and landed next to her.

"It does seem like a nice place. Is it for sale?"

Ophelia rolled her eyes. "Silly, telephone poles are never for sale." She sighed in contentment. "Yes, this will be the perfect place to live."

And so they lived there. And then one day, with the help of prescription glasses from Walmart, Benjamin noticed something....

"Ophelia, look down below."

"What about it?"

"We seem to be pooping all over that little red car."

"So? Humans don't care about us. We can poop where we like."

"But I've seen the girl who drives that car. She's little and pretty and has nice brown hair and seems like she loves the Lord. Maybe we shouldn't poop on her car."

Ophelia gave her husband hawk a strange glance. "Maybe she should park it somewhere else."


And so she did. With great annoyance.