That's kind of awkward

So I was over at my lovely friend Sara's page, which she recently redesigned, and in her side links to other people's blogs, there was me. And a little snippet of my previous post. And it was talking about my teeth. And I thought, Who would want to come visit my blog if it looked like I was just talking about gross body things. So that's why I'm updating.

I have recently rediscovered my rapturous love for Anne of Green Gables. I've watched the movies again and started reading the books. That series is among my favorite books ever. Ranks right up there with Little Women and The Melendy Family and All of a Kind Family. Anne, as a young girl, is someone I wish I could meet. Those books inspire me to write. I think maybe I'll live on PEI for a while at some point in time. (That's Prince Edward Island, for all you uneducated nonreaders out there).

My job is going fine. I thought I broke the yogurt machine the other day. I pulled the handle down and yogurt was winding happily into the cup when the handle just let go of the machine. I stood, rather confused, with the yogurt overflowing the cup and the handle in my hand, and yelled "Trrraacccyyy!" All the customers were watching with amused/slightly sympathetic looks on their faces. So Tracy came and fixed it (not without some bewilderment on her part though, in my defense).

And my life has settled down more of late, as far as emotions go. I'm okay now to be in my life (although I'd much rather be Anne Shirley and get Gilbert Blythe) and just doing what I'm doing. I think I was just going a little stir-crazy for a while.

Here's a little something wise from Anne of Avonlea. It reminds me of my position and what people have said to me:

(Mrs. Allan speaking to Anne)
"I hope you'll have a good time, Anne. You've worked very hard this past year and you have succeeded."
"Oh, I don't know. I've come so far short in so many things. I haven't done what I meant to do when I began to teach [in my case, went to school] last fall....I haven't lived up to my ideals."
"None of us ever do," said Mrs. Allan with a sigh. "But then, Anne, you know what Lowell says, 'Not failure but low aim is crime.' We must have ideals and try to live up to them, even if we never quite succeed. Life would be a sorry business without them. With them its grand and great. Hold fast to your ideals, Anne."
" I shall try. But I have let go of most of my theories," said Anne, laughing a little. "I had the most beautiful set of theories you ever knew when I started out as a schoolma'am [student], but every one has failed me at some pinch or another."

Hello, sunshine!

Update on my tooth: I need it pulled. =( And an implant which will cost something around $2500. Sorry, Mom and Dad!

Update on my job: I got a job at Marble Slab Creamery(which is like Coldstone but better!) and I'm working my first shift today at 1. So yeah. I hate the need for money.

And because of my job, I couldn't go to the desert to relax and tan with my mom and sisters. So I am home alone. Please don't stalk me now that I told you that.....ha just kidding.

I am a lazy bum.

The police called this morning (at least I think he said he was from some sort of police) and all I could think was that my mom and sisters crashed the car on the way out there. But he wanted to talk to Dad and he said he'd call back tomorrow. So I guess it wasn't too big of a deal. =)

Not for the squeamish

One of my teeth has been hurting for a couple months now, but because I was at school, there wasn't much I could do about it. So Mom made me an appointment at the dentist. I'm thinking, No big deal, just a average cavity. Well, I just found out that I'm going to need some pretty major dental work. The cavity in question (which is actually quite large) is completely under my gum line. So he will have to drill through my okay part of tooth to see how bad the decay is. If he can even save my tooth, he will have to cut away a lot of gum so he can fill it and quite possibly might have to remove some bone too. That is, if he can even save the tooth. And if the decay hit the nerve, I'll need a root canal.


And the other tooth that was hurting also has a pretty good-sized cavity in it.

I asked if he could just put me out while he did it, but he's not allowed. I'm sort of feeling like a baby about it and just want to cry. I do not like going to the dentist and getting that stuff done. No matter how much they numb it, I always feel pain. Maybe they'll let me watch a movie.

I'm going in tomorrow to get it done. =( I am going to be miserable.

Poop

I might have a real job. A week ago, I would have been relieved. Now I am disappointed. I just figured out yesterday (and cleared with Mom) that I could make my book editing money stretch over the whole summer and then I could go to Shallowbrook!! Yay! I wasn't able to find a job, no one was hiring me, and I'm only home for 8 more weeks before I go back to school. And I desperately want to go to Shallowbrook. So we decided that we would see what happened tonight at my job interview (because I figured that they wouldn't want to hire me for 7 weeks). Well, the interview went well and now I think I might have a job. The owner is going to call me tomorrow. =(

I need money. But I need Shallowbrook more. =)

Futility

Ah, the feeling of not being able to find a job and being nagged and scolded about it. Ah, the feeling of trying to not take personally the indignity of not being hired...anywhere. Ah, the feeling of going nowhere, just running in circles with life. Ah, the feeling of the lack of self-control. Ah, the feeling of isolation from God. Ah, the feeling of crumminess. Ah, the feeling of insuffiency. Ah, the feeling of wanting to escape and not being able to. Ah, the feeling of needing money and yet hating it. Ah, the feeling of conformity. Ah, the feeling of personal change and not being able to change triumphantly, concretely for the better.

Ah, how those feelings never seem to leave, always seem to be laughing at me, frustrating my efforts at every turn. They taunt, wearying my brain until it wants to give up and just lay in bed all day. They make me feel helpless, watching God from a distance, trying to let Him back in, yet too tired to do so. Ah, feelings.

A Tale of Two Hawks

Benjamin Hawk and Ophelia Hawk were in love. And they were looking for a place to live. They swooped low over empty dirt lots, crowded parking lots, and congested streets. They searched high and low for the perfect home. But they just couldn't find one! They tried a tree for a while, but it looked too domestic for such fearsome birds of prey as themselves. They tried a hole in the ground, but the gophers drove them out (I guess they're not very fearsome after all). They tried telephone wires, but their feet were too big and they would just swing around in circles and get dizzy. Finally, after they had almost given up, they found it.

"Look, Benjamin! The perfect home!" Ophelia squawked her joy.

"Where?" Benjamin was almost completely blind and usually ran into things before he found them.

"Over there. There is a glorious telephone pole! It is high and majestic, like a noble tree. And yet it's simple and a perfect place to raise our children!" Ophelia flapped over and landed on the pole, testing it out. Benjamin ran into it. He scrabbled up the pole and landed next to her.

"It does seem like a nice place. Is it for sale?"

Ophelia rolled her eyes. "Silly, telephone poles are never for sale." She sighed in contentment. "Yes, this will be the perfect place to live."

And so they lived there. And then one day, with the help of prescription glasses from Walmart, Benjamin noticed something....

"Ophelia, look down below."

"What about it?"

"We seem to be pooping all over that little red car."

"So? Humans don't care about us. We can poop where we like."

"But I've seen the girl who drives that car. She's little and pretty and has nice brown hair and seems like she loves the Lord. Maybe we shouldn't poop on her car."

Ophelia gave her husband hawk a strange glance. "Maybe she should park it somewhere else."


And so she did. With great annoyance.

BS

We are doing a new study in Bible Study which I'm pretty excited about. It's a study (wow, the word "study" three times in two sentences!!) on Dietrich Bonhoeffer and the Cost of Discipleship. I hope it will be challenging and insightful and disturbing. I hope that we don't look at it like we've always looked at everything. I hope we don't think that our efforts as of now are good enough. I hope we really try to take it to heart and learn. It should rock our little Christian bubbles.

I think we should read "The Irresistible Revolution" as a companion study, but I'm not sure the group is ready for the kind of radicalism Shane Claiborne promotes. I really enjoyed the part of the book I read, and I really should finish it. It addresses poverty, war, sacrifice, and what Christian living should look like. Some of his ideas might be too extreme for some--not everyone is called to drop everything (family, friends, comfort) to live among the homeless--although I greatly greatly admire those who do. I can't fathom the depth of their passion for Christ that would lead them to those lengths. I know God still calls some to minister to the hurting and needy in their roles of businessman, wife, mailman, child. But I hope that we are looking for the ways in our lives that we could be giving up more for Jesus--even if it's just climbing out of our comfort zones.

How many times do we drive past the homeless man on the corner, avoiding eye contact guiltily. We have $5 we could give him--heck, compared to him, we really could do without. But who knows what he's going to spend it on? Drugs? Alchohol? Why can't we just give it to him and trust God? I'm not saying I'm any better at this. Most of the time I actually don't have any cash and, I have to admit, I'm too lazy or too much in a hurry to stop somewhere and get him some food. And I'm tired of using the excuse: "Well, I have to be more careful, because I'm a girl." You know, he might rape me or something. I think God would protect me, and besides, I'd be doing it in broad daylight with many others around.

Well, that turned into a long rant. I like ranting. Maybe I'll rant some more another time about modesty. I just read a book and now I've been thinking a lot about it.

Yay, we have high speed internet back!