I'm kind of nervous about putting this on the web, but here goes...(it doesn't really end because I'm not done)
The coffee shop sat wedged in between a taco place and a nail salon, its windows dark and lonely. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, sending warm rays across the mountains as if testing the waters before appearing fully, gloriously. Crickets still chirped, their legs dewy, fearless from lack of human invasion in the past ten hours. A battered cup from the shop lay on its side in the nearest parking space. A small sparrow pecked curiously at it, wondering if it had finally gotten that worm. A cool breeze stirred the plants, making them shiver and shed drops of dew into the ground. The little shop seemed to be taking a breath to refresh itself, a sigh of preparation for another day. Each day people flooded the shop with their cappuccinos, mochas, computers, and children; making a mess, cleaning it up, ordering triple-shot skim milk non-fat lattes, and purchasing a cup of black coffee. Today would be no different.
Oliver sat in his normal spot on the ground to the side of the building, back against the cool brick and tattered baseball cap pulled low over his bleary eyes. He was unshaven, smelly, weather-beaten—a typical homeless man. He liked the coffee shop; he liked hearing the conversations, watching the people come in and out, back and forth. He was a philosopher, he was a philanthropist, he was a husband, he was a father, he was what no one expected, he was what everyone expected. Maybe someone will buy me a coffee today, he thought, as he always did. No one ever did; they scooted by quickly, avoiding eye contact, tugging their children away from him. He missed his kids—James, Jennifer, and little Joey. Maybe they were in Texas still, maybe Christina had taken them to her parent’s house in Minnesota. James would be 16 now, a young man, needing his father’s love and support. A small tear leaked down Oliver’s faded cheek and got lost in the crevices of his shaggy beard. No! No emotions! He thought fiercely. He was used to the loneliness now, but the direct unfriendliness of strangers, even those with that Christian fish symbol on their cars, still pierced him to the core. His stomach rumbled angrily, reminding him of the last time he had eaten, the surprising kindness of the young mother. She at least had looked at him with warmth and kindness as she handed him her child’s leftover hamburger, unlike the Christian fish car who had sped by him without a second glance.
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11 comments:
I liked it. It was a little vague and you could definitely tell that there is more to the story. If there isn't more, it's the worst story I've ever read :)
It's a good start, I'd say!
My beef: A skim milk latte and a non-fat latte are the same thing. A skim milk non-fat latte is just redundant. I mean, seriously Abby, do some research! :o)
This is my favorite line: "He was a philosopher, he was a philanthropist, he was a husband, he was a father, he was what no one expected, he was what everyone expected."
One other little nit-pick: "Maybe someone will buy me a coffee today, he thought, as he always did," makes him sound like he's in a hopeful, positive kind of mood, but he's crying in like the next line. It threw me off a little bit.
Is this for non-fiction?
sarah, thank you for the correction of the milk issue. as one who works in a coffee shop, I didn't want to sound obsessive over her mistake. thank you for taking care of that for me. =)
Hey there!
I was just sitting here thinking about how much I think that you're great, and that's the kind of thought that should be shared, you know?
So, hey abby! I think you're just great!
People should read this.
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