Dear God,

Hello. We haven't talked in a while. I'm pretty sure that's my fault. I've been busy, you know. Yeah, that's a terrible excuse--one that I should never use but always do. I've been feeling the pressure from you, though. You keep calling; you keep knocking. Sometimes I want you to stop pursuing me. It hurts, it puts me in vulnerable situations where I don't want to be. And it's embarrassing, this wealth of love that you're trying to give me. I'm not sure if I would know what to do with all of it. I don't know if you just haven't realized this, but I'm really not worth pursuing. Really, there's better people out there. Why don't you just give up on me? All I do is hurt you and myself. But, please please don't give up on me. Deep down, you're what I want the most. I am just so confused on how to get to that place where it's just you and me. The depth of which you love me is overwhelming and glorious and breathtaking. I want you to take over my life, to bring me a better plan than I have for myself, but I'm scared. I'm scared to death that I will have to lose control over this tiny plot of land I call life and will have nothing less to call my own. But that is what you've called me to. You've called me to give up everything for you, for the sake of your kingdom. I wish this wouldn't be so hard. You will bring me through this for a purpose, to refine me in your hot, consuming fire.

You know me. You know my thoughts, my intentions, my fears, my weaknesses. And yet you are there when I wake every morning. You greet me with a smile and infinite patience. You love me. And I am ashamed.

Love, Abby