I need a genius idea for a storyline so I can write a book this summer. I need something thrilling, groundbreaking, touching, and powerful. Any ideas? There should be a website where you can steal plotlines and then write books based on them. It wouldn't be too bad of plagiarism, right?
Right now I'm drinking a white chocolate coconut iced coffee and sitting outside, listening to the sounds of a peaceful summer night. It would be 153 times better if I had someone to share it with. Someone who could just sit in silence with me, someone who understands me. I'm not distinguishing between genders in my head. A girl would be just as welcome as a boy. Just someone.
My summer thus far has consisted of: running a 5k and getting 2nd place in my age division, sitting outside at a picnic, sitting in my room all day, running random errands, and also sitting in my room all day. And I've been sitting in my room a lot.
I was randomly thinking tonight and I will indulge you, dear reader (all one of you or something like that), by letting you in on my thoughts. Don't run screaming for the hills yet. This is just a scenario that I would love to be in right now:
I am sitting on a sailboat, probably near some tropical island. I am on a journey on this sailboat, just me and another person (okay, this time I am choosing between gender; it would be nice to have a man along), and we are just going wherever the wind takes us. The sun is setting, of course, and I am drinking a nice iced coffee, flavored white chocolate coconut probably. It is still and peaceful and every once in a while a dolphin breaks the surface of the waves next to us. We have brought nothing but food and beverages and stacks and stacks of good books. We also have a sweet sound system that can play whatever music we want to listen to at the moment. I'm thinking classical would be a good choice considering our surroundings.
Lame? Probably. Realistic? Not at all. Heavenly? Most definitely.
I think the thing I'm most sad about and feel most deprived of this summer is my lack of someone I can be spontaneous with. Like for instance, right now I would totally be up for going to the beach and doing cartwheels in the sand until the beach patrol kicked me out, but it's totally lame to go by yourself and besides, my parents would veto that idea pretty quickly. Or it would be fun to go up to the mountains at night, or even during the day to explore. But again, not really that fun by yourself. My partner in spontaneity, aka the person who I know would do these things with me, is currently in the Netherlands. Seriously, in the Netherlands. I'm really happy for her because this is such an awesome opportunity, but I'm sad that she's not here this summer. Maybe I'll go swing at the park by myself sometime.
I miss Fresno. I miss my friends. Summer is sad.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Surprise
Just when I thought I was getting close to being worthy of God's love, I fall down again. And then I'm reminded that I can never be worthy.
I'm almost done with school for the year. I don't think I've ever been this happy to be getting out. I will miss Fresno dearly--my friends, my community, my life. But I'm ready to be back in the familiar, to find those well-worn footholds in my life, and to be completely turned upside-down in surprise once again. Things are never like you remember them. People change, circumstances change. I'm not 16 anymore, which in and of itself is a blessing and a curse. I go home to feel comfortable, but when I get there, there's a piece of it that's not home anymore. I don't fit in. I feel awkward and restless in this familiar skin I'm forced back into. I'm not that way anymore, but I can't tell if I'm sad about that or not. I've changed, but life at home hasn't. I'm the same as I've always been, yet things are so different at home. I don't know how these things can co-exist, but they do. And they wreak havoc with my carefully laid plans. But then again, plans never seem to work like you want them to.
I have a dream, a vision for my life. I think that's one of the most dangerous things I can have right now. I know exactly how my life is going to turn out and exactly what I'm going to do. That's when God loves to step in and show me His plan, full of love and joy and hope and peace. But I turn my back. I'm confused. What's the plan again? What do you want from me, God? A little clarity would be nice. I don't know where His plan starts and my plan ends. I don't know when I've made something into something more than it should be because it fits my vision for the future or when God has given me the green light. I pray--my prayers bounce clumsily off the ceiling. I open my Bible--and I learn that Aheiras begat Goehsin. Illumination is nowhere to be found, yet there is a glimmer in sight. An elusive, dancing glimmer that tortures and teases me into searching my soul and my motives. It is painful and in progress.
Also, it makes for long, rambling blog posts that don't really make any sense.
I'm almost done with school for the year. I don't think I've ever been this happy to be getting out. I will miss Fresno dearly--my friends, my community, my life. But I'm ready to be back in the familiar, to find those well-worn footholds in my life, and to be completely turned upside-down in surprise once again. Things are never like you remember them. People change, circumstances change. I'm not 16 anymore, which in and of itself is a blessing and a curse. I go home to feel comfortable, but when I get there, there's a piece of it that's not home anymore. I don't fit in. I feel awkward and restless in this familiar skin I'm forced back into. I'm not that way anymore, but I can't tell if I'm sad about that or not. I've changed, but life at home hasn't. I'm the same as I've always been, yet things are so different at home. I don't know how these things can co-exist, but they do. And they wreak havoc with my carefully laid plans. But then again, plans never seem to work like you want them to.
I have a dream, a vision for my life. I think that's one of the most dangerous things I can have right now. I know exactly how my life is going to turn out and exactly what I'm going to do. That's when God loves to step in and show me His plan, full of love and joy and hope and peace. But I turn my back. I'm confused. What's the plan again? What do you want from me, God? A little clarity would be nice. I don't know where His plan starts and my plan ends. I don't know when I've made something into something more than it should be because it fits my vision for the future or when God has given me the green light. I pray--my prayers bounce clumsily off the ceiling. I open my Bible--and I learn that Aheiras begat Goehsin. Illumination is nowhere to be found, yet there is a glimmer in sight. An elusive, dancing glimmer that tortures and teases me into searching my soul and my motives. It is painful and in progress.
Also, it makes for long, rambling blog posts that don't really make any sense.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Trust
The other day I was walking out of a classroom and a newspaper that was lying on a desk near the door caught my eye. The headline read, "3 still missing in [some location i can't remember]." I was struck with a sense of loss, of helplessness that made a feeling of sadness darken my mood for a little bit. Every day, the news is filled with stories of loss, of tragedy, of people kidnapped by pirates, of policemen gunned down by manic thieves. Sometimes the world just seems so bleak that it's hard to believe things could be good.
The other day I found out that my summer plans, for which I was so excited, weren't going to work out. Of all the things that could hold me back, it turned out that money was the stone wall I couldn't get over. I didn't have enough money to not work and simply travel all summer. I had to stay home and find a job. That was the last thing I wanted to do. This is very possibly the last summer I will have to relax and take some good time off. But of course, something came up. I was discouraged--I was in a bad mood all Easter break because of it. Mom and I looked at jobs online, but all along, I was dreading having to find something to do this summer to make money. Dad finally told me to just pray about it. I grudgingly rolled my eyes and sort of agreed that, yeah I should probably pray about it. But why, when I knew God was just going to tell me to stay home for the summer and work? He couldn't possibly want me to have fun. So I came back to school, determined not to think about this summer or money for the next three weeks that I'm in school.
The other day I went to go pick up the paycheck that I was expecting. I opened the envelope, waiting to see the amount, which I had estimated to be around $120 or so--a paycheck that would have to last me longer than its poor little life could stand. I opened the envelope--and there was a check for $500 inside. For what, I don't know. But all I knew was that my summer plans had suddenl taken a drastic turn for the better.
The point? God's in control. I need to trust Him more. I need to trust Him in the small things, to not doubt He has my best in mind when I make plans or pray for certain things. Plans don't always work out...but sometimes they do. And just like it's hard sometimes to see God working in the small areas of my life, it's hard to see how He's working in the big stuff out in the world. But He is. Everything works together for His good, and He has a master plan that completely overrules any insignificant plans that I could ever put together. Amen.
The other day I found out that my summer plans, for which I was so excited, weren't going to work out. Of all the things that could hold me back, it turned out that money was the stone wall I couldn't get over. I didn't have enough money to not work and simply travel all summer. I had to stay home and find a job. That was the last thing I wanted to do. This is very possibly the last summer I will have to relax and take some good time off. But of course, something came up. I was discouraged--I was in a bad mood all Easter break because of it. Mom and I looked at jobs online, but all along, I was dreading having to find something to do this summer to make money. Dad finally told me to just pray about it. I grudgingly rolled my eyes and sort of agreed that, yeah I should probably pray about it. But why, when I knew God was just going to tell me to stay home for the summer and work? He couldn't possibly want me to have fun. So I came back to school, determined not to think about this summer or money for the next three weeks that I'm in school.
The other day I went to go pick up the paycheck that I was expecting. I opened the envelope, waiting to see the amount, which I had estimated to be around $120 or so--a paycheck that would have to last me longer than its poor little life could stand. I opened the envelope--and there was a check for $500 inside. For what, I don't know. But all I knew was that my summer plans had suddenl taken a drastic turn for the better.
The point? God's in control. I need to trust Him more. I need to trust Him in the small things, to not doubt He has my best in mind when I make plans or pray for certain things. Plans don't always work out...but sometimes they do. And just like it's hard sometimes to see God working in the small areas of my life, it's hard to see how He's working in the big stuff out in the world. But He is. Everything works together for His good, and He has a master plan that completely overrules any insignificant plans that I could ever put together. Amen.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I like surveys
1) What is your salad dressing of choice? there's this really yummy oriental balsamic dressing at the coffee shop that i get with the salads..mmm...i would choose that on everything if i could
2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? off the top of my head...chili's because of the chicken fingers. But really, I like fast food better a lot of the time.
3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? potstickers
4.What is your favorite topping on a piece of pizza? chicken
5) What do you like to put on your toast? butter and cinnmaon
6) How many televisions are in your house? 2
7) What color cell phone do you have?black and silver
8) Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty-o
9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body? clothing (by me only), hair, several teeth, and shoes
10) What is the last heavy item you lifted? i have no idea. i think a vaccuum.
11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious? i wish
12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no way
13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? lauren or sarah jane
14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?heck yes. totally worth it. i neeeed money!
15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own? many. how many do i actually wear? 3
16) Whats your goal for the year? to be amazing. working great so far
17) Last person you talked to? shane when i was getting my book back from dave's apartment.
18) Last person you hugged? jennifer elizabeth deibert
19) Favorite Season? fall. also, spring
20) Favorite Holiday? christmas! but not because of the gifts...because of the season. I LOVE the christmas season.
21) Favorite day of the week? as of now? Thursday
22) Favorite Month? that is a tough question. weatherwise? probably June. otherwise, July because of fun camps. other than that December because it's Christmas season.
23) First place you went this morning? water polo game at sunnyside high school
24) What's the last movie you saw? slummmmdooogggggg!!!
25) Do you smile often? yes. i just had a conversation tonight about how i can't not smile.
26) Do you always answer your phone? yes, if i'm actually carrying it with me. oh wait that's a lie because i get a lot of calls from numbers i don't know. so no. only if i know the number.
27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? probably lora or amy or frances or alli-kay or jenny
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be? green, but i like my eyes
29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? i've never gotten one of those drinks so i don't know. i know, i'm lame.
30) Have you ever had a pet fish? yes. their names were paul and silas and paul was light orange and skinny and silas was dark orange and fat and they both died and i buried them in a rosebush.
31) Favorite Christmas song? o come o come emmanuel. do you hear what i hear? lots more. i love christmas.
32) What's on your wish list for your birthday? rainbows.
33) Can you do push ups? yep.
34) Can you do a chin up? nope.
35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? way excited with a hint of nervousness because the future means real life with job and loans. but i'm super excited for other parts of that future. :)
36) Do you have any saved texts? all of mine are saved because i only have like 140.
37) Ever been in a car wreck? nope.
38) Do you have an accent? some people say that i have a very slight canadian accent, but just on certain words. most say i just say those words really weird.
39) What is the last song to make you cry? probably one of the songs we sang during college hour. actually i have no idea.
40) Plans tonight? the rest of the night's plans are to go to bed. but i already went to mimi's for dinner, played ping pong and talked with some friends, so i've had a full night.
41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes. So many times. But my rock bottom isn't necessarily killing myself or anything, it's more along the lines of dropping out of school and running away
42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. i didn't buy anything yesterday
43) Have you ever been given roses? yes. twice, in fact.
44) Current hate right now? my lack of money
45) Met someone who changed your life? yes. for good and bad
46) How did you bring in the New Year? i was sitting on the ground listening to clifford smith talk about ruth and boaz, i believe.
47) What song represents you? no clue. won't even try to think of one.
48) Name three people who might complete this? no one.
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night? getting ready for bed
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? yay zwiebach!
2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? off the top of my head...chili's because of the chicken fingers. But really, I like fast food better a lot of the time.
3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? potstickers
4.What is your favorite topping on a piece of pizza? chicken
5) What do you like to put on your toast? butter and cinnmaon
6) How many televisions are in your house? 2
7) What color cell phone do you have?black and silver
8) Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty-o
9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body? clothing (by me only), hair, several teeth, and shoes
10) What is the last heavy item you lifted? i have no idea. i think a vaccuum.
11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious? i wish
12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no way
13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? lauren or sarah jane
14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?heck yes. totally worth it. i neeeed money!
15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own? many. how many do i actually wear? 3
16) Whats your goal for the year? to be amazing. working great so far
17) Last person you talked to? shane when i was getting my book back from dave's apartment.
18) Last person you hugged? jennifer elizabeth deibert
19) Favorite Season? fall. also, spring
20) Favorite Holiday? christmas! but not because of the gifts...because of the season. I LOVE the christmas season.
21) Favorite day of the week? as of now? Thursday
22) Favorite Month? that is a tough question. weatherwise? probably June. otherwise, July because of fun camps. other than that December because it's Christmas season.
23) First place you went this morning? water polo game at sunnyside high school
24) What's the last movie you saw? slummmmdooogggggg!!!
25) Do you smile often? yes. i just had a conversation tonight about how i can't not smile.
26) Do you always answer your phone? yes, if i'm actually carrying it with me. oh wait that's a lie because i get a lot of calls from numbers i don't know. so no. only if i know the number.
27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? probably lora or amy or frances or alli-kay or jenny
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be? green, but i like my eyes
29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? i've never gotten one of those drinks so i don't know. i know, i'm lame.
30) Have you ever had a pet fish? yes. their names were paul and silas and paul was light orange and skinny and silas was dark orange and fat and they both died and i buried them in a rosebush.
31) Favorite Christmas song? o come o come emmanuel. do you hear what i hear? lots more. i love christmas.
32) What's on your wish list for your birthday? rainbows.
33) Can you do push ups? yep.
34) Can you do a chin up? nope.
35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? way excited with a hint of nervousness because the future means real life with job and loans. but i'm super excited for other parts of that future. :)
36) Do you have any saved texts? all of mine are saved because i only have like 140.
37) Ever been in a car wreck? nope.
38) Do you have an accent? some people say that i have a very slight canadian accent, but just on certain words. most say i just say those words really weird.
39) What is the last song to make you cry? probably one of the songs we sang during college hour. actually i have no idea.
40) Plans tonight? the rest of the night's plans are to go to bed. but i already went to mimi's for dinner, played ping pong and talked with some friends, so i've had a full night.
41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes. So many times. But my rock bottom isn't necessarily killing myself or anything, it's more along the lines of dropping out of school and running away
42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. i didn't buy anything yesterday
43) Have you ever been given roses? yes. twice, in fact.
44) Current hate right now? my lack of money
45) Met someone who changed your life? yes. for good and bad
46) How did you bring in the New Year? i was sitting on the ground listening to clifford smith talk about ruth and boaz, i believe.
47) What song represents you? no clue. won't even try to think of one.
48) Name three people who might complete this? no one.
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night? getting ready for bed
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? yay zwiebach!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Ew.
Sometimes Christians can be really obnoxious and offensive. Then they wonder why people are rude back and don't really think too fondly of Christianity when those same Christians try to convert them. I'm sorry we can be like that.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
It's Official!
I will be graduating in the fall of 2010! Which is only 18 months (ish) away and only three semesters away! I'm pretty excited! :) It will mean that I have to take three summer classes next summer (as in, summer 2010), but that's a small price to pay for getting out of school early. After I graduate? I'm planning on moving to Washington and finding a job that can support me and pay off my debt. As far as what this job will be, I have no idea. Maybe a part-time nanny/part-time barista. Or something like that. But at least I have some of life planned out.... :)
On to summer!
On to summer!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
greetings from the great northwest
Hello, friends. I am in Washington right now, as most of you know. I just thought I should write you a little note to say, Hello. I'm probably not coming back to California ever again because I am having such a fabulous time up here. The weather has been amazing--snow for a couple days, sun for more days, and now just the typical washington rain. :) Here is what I've been doing:
Sunday: church and painting nails with katy while talking with mom, kathy, stephanie and katy.
Monday: fun time with mom and kim running errands and eating soup at panera. :)
Tuesday: day in seattle with JOANNA (!), barb, bethany, and hannah. ate way too much food and spent not that much money. mom left :( :(
Wednesday: don't remember. oh, i think this was the day sean and i walked by the ocean. cold, but still fun. hanging out around the house and watched stir of echoes and then antm and ai with katy because sean wasn't too crazy about being educated on the world of modeling and singing. :)
Thursday: slept in! more hanging around, then rocky bay with sean. roasted hot dogs over an open fire and watched the sun set over the bay. amazing.
Friday: ran errands with kathy. then went bowling with sean, katy, michael, and matthew. my high score: 99. legit.
Saturday: in progress, but so far....writing paper and hanging around still. plans later: dinner here with friends. :) yum spaghetti!
Sunday: hasn't happened yet, but plans are: all-day meeting and good food and fellowship, then back to fresno. :( if that face could look sadder, i would make it sadder.
Summary: GOOD TIMES. BEST SPRING BREAK EVER. And boo on school. THE End.
Sunday: church and painting nails with katy while talking with mom, kathy, stephanie and katy.
Monday: fun time with mom and kim running errands and eating soup at panera. :)
Tuesday: day in seattle with JOANNA (!), barb, bethany, and hannah. ate way too much food and spent not that much money. mom left :( :(
Wednesday: don't remember. oh, i think this was the day sean and i walked by the ocean. cold, but still fun. hanging out around the house and watched stir of echoes and then antm and ai with katy because sean wasn't too crazy about being educated on the world of modeling and singing. :)
Thursday: slept in! more hanging around, then rocky bay with sean. roasted hot dogs over an open fire and watched the sun set over the bay. amazing.
Friday: ran errands with kathy. then went bowling with sean, katy, michael, and matthew. my high score: 99. legit.
Saturday: in progress, but so far....writing paper and hanging around still. plans later: dinner here with friends. :) yum spaghetti!
Sunday: hasn't happened yet, but plans are: all-day meeting and good food and fellowship, then back to fresno. :( if that face could look sadder, i would make it sadder.
Summary: GOOD TIMES. BEST SPRING BREAK EVER. And boo on school. THE End.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Insomnia Or the Equivalent Of...
I googled "Abby needs." Here is what the internet says I need: (parenthetic comments mine)
Abby needs help with her medications....(yikes)
Abby needs her glasses....(this is a true statement)
Abby needs to go on some good walks so she can trim down and look her best...(good to know, good to know)
Abby needs some advice...(ain't that the truth)
Abby needs your help! (help!)
Abby needs to come back...(to where? sanity? then yes, i agree)
Abby needs a new home...(I choose heaven)
Abby needs a non-furry home...(yep, still heaven)
Abby needs Metro to take out the trash....(yeah, metro, get on that)
Abby needs help with her medications....(yikes)
Abby needs her glasses....(this is a true statement)
Abby needs to go on some good walks so she can trim down and look her best...(good to know, good to know)
Abby needs some advice...(ain't that the truth)
Abby needs your help! (help!)
Abby needs to come back...(to where? sanity? then yes, i agree)
Abby needs a new home...(I choose heaven)
Abby needs a non-furry home...(yep, still heaven)
Abby needs Metro to take out the trash....(yeah, metro, get on that)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
And again with the repetition...
I feel like things are less random and out there if you make lists of them, so here's another list by me...
1. I have recently discovered that I'm a queen of wasting time. I will do it any way I can. Facebook, taking the nail polish off my nails, checking my email multiple times, staring at the floor, you name it.
2. I'm restless and it scares me. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Always just wanting to get to the next stage in life and never appreciating where I am until it's too late? I love college, yet I want to be older, settled, even married and starting a family. I love sociology, yet I want to maybe be a wedding planner or a nanny. I want to drop out, I want to transfer, I want to stay here....I feel like my feelings contradict themselves. I hate being somewhere just feeling like I have to just tolerate it. I want to enjoy myself to the fullest wherever I am and for some reason it's hard for me to.
3. I think I'm passive-agressive.
4. I am desperately trying to grow my hair out right now, but it's not taking the hint. :(
5. Christmas lights are some of my favorite things in the world.
6. I wish my family incorporated more of our Scottish heritage into our traditions and history. I want to have a plaid and a crest. That would be awesome.
7. I think the weirdest phrase out of my mouth that I've ever heard myself say before is, "my boyfriend." Definitely still getting used to that one.
8. I started going to a Bible study on Wednesday nights with some girls from school and it's been pretty amazing. I've missed the spiritual fellowship a lot and I'm trying to bring that back into my life more now. I miss God. I want Him back.
9. I've realized recently that my lack of close friends in my life has really affected me. It's always been hard for me to open up, and it always seems like the people I open up most to always end up hurting me. (not true of jenny or joanna :).
10. I hate it when I'm shaving my legs in the shower and the bathroom light goes off. I always feel like whimpering.
11. I love babies. :)
12. IKEA is my favorite favorite store in the entire world. Hands down.
13. I am in the process of simplifying. It's not working too well, but I'm trying. First step I've accomplished? Only wearing three items of makeup and pretty much never doing my hair. Next step: stopping the shopping.
14. I hate cliche quotes.
15. Last year I contemplated transferring to a school where I could study interior design. I also used to want to be a nurse and read a lot of books about the Civil War nurses. Then I found out that I felt really sick at the sight of blood. Bad choice.
16. I think Jude Law is quite possibly the hottest man in the world.
17. I am not a jewely wearer. I would like to wear rings, but I don't spend enough money on them to get ones that don't turn my fingers green and then I forget anyway.
18. I've always wanted to experience love at first sight, but I really don't even believe in it, so I guess I can't experience what I don't believe in. :)
19. I wish it could be summer camp all year long.
20. My favorite smell is fresh laundry. And also, fresh bread and chocolate chip cookies.
21. I've actually been developing opinions and beliefs that are my own. I like it. I'm also not really sure how long it will last because I'm only 19 and very young, so I'm sure that I will change them many more times. But I like this whole idea of developing individuality.
22. I have grand plans for my life at this point, and I'm hoping they'll turn out somewhat close.
23. I also think that I really should clear my plans with God. Easier said than done.
24. I'm in the midst of applying for a job that I really want. Reallyy really want.
25. I just ran out of all the little facts about me that I thought I was going to have.
17.
1. I have recently discovered that I'm a queen of wasting time. I will do it any way I can. Facebook, taking the nail polish off my nails, checking my email multiple times, staring at the floor, you name it.
2. I'm restless and it scares me. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Always just wanting to get to the next stage in life and never appreciating where I am until it's too late? I love college, yet I want to be older, settled, even married and starting a family. I love sociology, yet I want to maybe be a wedding planner or a nanny. I want to drop out, I want to transfer, I want to stay here....I feel like my feelings contradict themselves. I hate being somewhere just feeling like I have to just tolerate it. I want to enjoy myself to the fullest wherever I am and for some reason it's hard for me to.
3. I think I'm passive-agressive.
4. I am desperately trying to grow my hair out right now, but it's not taking the hint. :(
5. Christmas lights are some of my favorite things in the world.
6. I wish my family incorporated more of our Scottish heritage into our traditions and history. I want to have a plaid and a crest. That would be awesome.
7. I think the weirdest phrase out of my mouth that I've ever heard myself say before is, "my boyfriend." Definitely still getting used to that one.
8. I started going to a Bible study on Wednesday nights with some girls from school and it's been pretty amazing. I've missed the spiritual fellowship a lot and I'm trying to bring that back into my life more now. I miss God. I want Him back.
9. I've realized recently that my lack of close friends in my life has really affected me. It's always been hard for me to open up, and it always seems like the people I open up most to always end up hurting me. (not true of jenny or joanna :).
10. I hate it when I'm shaving my legs in the shower and the bathroom light goes off. I always feel like whimpering.
11. I love babies. :)
12. IKEA is my favorite favorite store in the entire world. Hands down.
13. I am in the process of simplifying. It's not working too well, but I'm trying. First step I've accomplished? Only wearing three items of makeup and pretty much never doing my hair. Next step: stopping the shopping.
14. I hate cliche quotes.
15. Last year I contemplated transferring to a school where I could study interior design. I also used to want to be a nurse and read a lot of books about the Civil War nurses. Then I found out that I felt really sick at the sight of blood. Bad choice.
16. I think Jude Law is quite possibly the hottest man in the world.
17. I am not a jewely wearer. I would like to wear rings, but I don't spend enough money on them to get ones that don't turn my fingers green and then I forget anyway.
18. I've always wanted to experience love at first sight, but I really don't even believe in it, so I guess I can't experience what I don't believe in. :)
19. I wish it could be summer camp all year long.
20. My favorite smell is fresh laundry. And also, fresh bread and chocolate chip cookies.
21. I've actually been developing opinions and beliefs that are my own. I like it. I'm also not really sure how long it will last because I'm only 19 and very young, so I'm sure that I will change them many more times. But I like this whole idea of developing individuality.
22. I have grand plans for my life at this point, and I'm hoping they'll turn out somewhat close.
23. I also think that I really should clear my plans with God. Easier said than done.
24. I'm in the midst of applying for a job that I really want. Reallyy really want.
25. I just ran out of all the little facts about me that I thought I was going to have.
17.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Dear Survey,
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? i like to think my middle name is a combination of Jane from Pride and Prejudice and Anne from Persuasion, but i think that's wrong. And of course my first name is from the Bible.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this weekend sometime
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes. it's not amazing but it's unique and individual and completely mine :)
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey, if i have to
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? lots
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? heck yes. we would be best friends and finish each other's sentences and do everything together and paint each other's nails and wear each other's clothes....and be really creepy because we were exactly alike.
.7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? never. i think sarcasm is the one blight of human existence.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? unless someone stole them when i wasn't looking...yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? oh yeah. it's on my list of things to do.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? cinnamon toast crunch
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i try really hard not to
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?choc. chip cookie dough/mint chip
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if they're goodlooking. Doesn't everyone?
15. RED OR PINK?pinnnnkkkkkk!!
16. What is your least favorite part of yourself? my stomach. oh, personality trait? ummm....my inability to make myself vulnerable when i need to
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my mom and joanna rose
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? i could care less, actually. no joke.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans and my brown fuzzy moccasins with blue laces
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? some sort of pink or green
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, homemade bread, and man cologne :)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my mom i think
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? no one sent this to me. i stole it!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? #1 sport of all time--hockey and then football. more specifically, Ducks hockey and USC football
27. HAIR COLOR?brown
28. EYE COLOR? soul-piercing blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes
30 FAVORITE FOOD? good food. something that i am severely lacking here at this place called college
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?happy endings for sure
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? 10 thing i hate about you
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? green, sort of a fresh, minty green
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall, actually. or maybe spring. or actually, all the seasons. now to move to a place where all four seasons actually exist. and to somewhere where i stop using the word "actually" three times in three sentences.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? i really like hugs and i've yet to experience a kiss, but i've heard they're nice
36. FAVORITE DESSERT: my mom's cheesecake or cookies
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? the myth of a christian nation, textbooks, and occasionally the Bible
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? the bachelor. shout out to molly!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?beatles if i have to choose. but only because of "across the universe"
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this weekend sometime
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes. it's not amazing but it's unique and individual and completely mine :)
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey, if i have to
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? lots
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? heck yes. we would be best friends and finish each other's sentences and do everything together and paint each other's nails and wear each other's clothes....and be really creepy because we were exactly alike.
.7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? never. i think sarcasm is the one blight of human existence.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? unless someone stole them when i wasn't looking...yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? oh yeah. it's on my list of things to do.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? cinnamon toast crunch
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i try really hard not to
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?choc. chip cookie dough/mint chip
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if they're goodlooking. Doesn't everyone?
15. RED OR PINK?pinnnnkkkkkk!!
16. What is your least favorite part of yourself? my stomach. oh, personality trait? ummm....my inability to make myself vulnerable when i need to
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my mom and joanna rose
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? i could care less, actually. no joke.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans and my brown fuzzy moccasins with blue laces
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? some sort of pink or green
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, homemade bread, and man cologne :)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my mom i think
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? no one sent this to me. i stole it!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? #1 sport of all time--hockey and then football. more specifically, Ducks hockey and USC football
27. HAIR COLOR?brown
28. EYE COLOR? soul-piercing blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes
30 FAVORITE FOOD? good food. something that i am severely lacking here at this place called college
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?happy endings for sure
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? 10 thing i hate about you
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? green, sort of a fresh, minty green
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall, actually. or maybe spring. or actually, all the seasons. now to move to a place where all four seasons actually exist. and to somewhere where i stop using the word "actually" three times in three sentences.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? i really like hugs and i've yet to experience a kiss, but i've heard they're nice
36. FAVORITE DESSERT: my mom's cheesecake or cookies
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? the myth of a christian nation, textbooks, and occasionally the Bible
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? the bachelor. shout out to molly!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?beatles if i have to choose. but only because of "across the universe"
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dear Friends,
Leave one memory that we have together.
It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
Don't send a message, leave a comment on here!!!
Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you.
It's interesting and should be funny to see the responses!!!
It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
Don't send a message, leave a comment on here!!!
Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you.
It's interesting and should be funny to see the responses!!!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Dear Man with No Name,
Hello. I don't know who you are, or what your name is. I do know you play tennis here and that you have blond hair. But I would just like to say, I saw you the other day and you really should stop.
I was driving by with some friends and I saw you, in the middle of the day (in broad daylight, no less) PEEING! by the side of the road right in front of the old person's home. Even if it hadn't traumatized me, think of all the damage that you could have done the senior citizens! There was no call for you to whip it out right there by the tree when there were perfectly good bathrooms all around campus. Or at least find a more private spot.
I could have forgiven you for that, but then I drove by a couple days later with the same friend and I saw you taking your pants off in the exact same spot, just across the street. I definitely saw you in your boxers and I did not want to see that. If I wanted to see a man in his boxers, I would go to the store and go to the men's underwear aisle to look at the underwear packs. But that's way too much work and it's more than just a little weird, so I would just like to say. Keep your clothes on in public!
So keep it in and keep them on.
Disgustedly,
Abby
I was driving by with some friends and I saw you, in the middle of the day (in broad daylight, no less) PEEING! by the side of the road right in front of the old person's home. Even if it hadn't traumatized me, think of all the damage that you could have done the senior citizens! There was no call for you to whip it out right there by the tree when there were perfectly good bathrooms all around campus. Or at least find a more private spot.
I could have forgiven you for that, but then I drove by a couple days later with the same friend and I saw you taking your pants off in the exact same spot, just across the street. I definitely saw you in your boxers and I did not want to see that. If I wanted to see a man in his boxers, I would go to the store and go to the men's underwear aisle to look at the underwear packs. But that's way too much work and it's more than just a little weird, so I would just like to say. Keep your clothes on in public!
So keep it in and keep them on.
Disgustedly,
Abby
Monday, January 26, 2009
Dear Mailbox,
So often, you are empty. I turn the dial just right and pull your little metal door open. I peek inside, my heart trembling in anticipation, and I am disappointed. The shiny cold chasm of your inside yawns open, affording only the view of other boxes full of letters and magazines. I even reach my hand in, running my fingers along the edges of you, hoping that I missed something. But no, you are always empty, sad, alone.
But not today. Today was a glorious day. When I opened you, a long white envelope was waiting. You seemed friendly and happy to be giving me such a rare gift. I drew out the envelope and opened it. And there, inside, lay a check! A check for more money than I expected! I don't know where it came from or why it even came at all, but thank you, Mailbox, for brightening my day.
But not today. Today was a glorious day. When I opened you, a long white envelope was waiting. You seemed friendly and happy to be giving me such a rare gift. I drew out the envelope and opened it. And there, inside, lay a check! A check for more money than I expected! I don't know where it came from or why it even came at all, but thank you, Mailbox, for brightening my day.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Dear School,
I'm not a big fan of you right now. I know, I know, I used to be so enamored with you. But that was before I was mature, before I had developed into a more well-rounded human being. You're really just a lot of work. Sometimes we really get along and I enjoy being with you, but lately you've been distant and out of touch. I go through the motions with you, but the joy and the fire is gone. And you are really expensive, too. I think we need some time apart, but everyone is pressuring us to stay together, so I guess I'll just have to make it through this rough patch. You really are the best fit for me and we are good for each other. But I have to warn you that we will be breaking up fairly soon. Just three more semesters and I'll be gone. So thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great.
Fondly,
Abby
Fondly,
Abby
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Dear God,
Hello. We haven't talked in a while. I'm pretty sure that's my fault. I've been busy, you know. Yeah, that's a terrible excuse--one that I should never use but always do. I've been feeling the pressure from you, though. You keep calling; you keep knocking. Sometimes I want you to stop pursuing me. It hurts, it puts me in vulnerable situations where I don't want to be. And it's embarrassing, this wealth of love that you're trying to give me. I'm not sure if I would know what to do with all of it. I don't know if you just haven't realized this, but I'm really not worth pursuing. Really, there's better people out there. Why don't you just give up on me? All I do is hurt you and myself. But, please please don't give up on me. Deep down, you're what I want the most. I am just so confused on how to get to that place where it's just you and me. The depth of which you love me is overwhelming and glorious and breathtaking. I want you to take over my life, to bring me a better plan than I have for myself, but I'm scared. I'm scared to death that I will have to lose control over this tiny plot of land I call life and will have nothing less to call my own. But that is what you've called me to. You've called me to give up everything for you, for the sake of your kingdom. I wish this wouldn't be so hard. You will bring me through this for a purpose, to refine me in your hot, consuming fire.
You know me. You know my thoughts, my intentions, my fears, my weaknesses. And yet you are there when I wake every morning. You greet me with a smile and infinite patience. You love me. And I am ashamed.
Love, Abby
You know me. You know my thoughts, my intentions, my fears, my weaknesses. And yet you are there when I wake every morning. You greet me with a smile and infinite patience. You love me. And I am ashamed.
Love, Abby
Friday, January 16, 2009
I Know My Alphabet
A is for age: 19.
B is for beer of choice: I don't choose to drink beer. It's pretty much disgusting.
C is for career right now: I have no career as of now and I have no idea what it will be.
D is for your dog's name: I have no dog. She is dead. But her name was Alicia.
E is for essential item you use every day: my toothbrush.
F is for favorite TV shows: Arrested development, the office, one tree hill
G is for favorite game: hockey :)
H is for hometown: Corona
I is for instruments you play: piano and heartstrings
J is for favorite juice: orange peach mango
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: hm. interesting.
L is for last place you ate: the caf. blegh.
M is for marriage: it is? oh, okay.
N is for your middle name: JaneAnne
O is for overnight hospital stay: I've never done that.
P is for people you were with today: Wow. too many to remember and count actually.
Q is for quote: "Hey, they all start with A! Oh wait, it's alphabetical. Never mind. Just ignore my stupidity."
R is for biggest regret: I don't really have one.
S is for sport: I like to play sports. I also like to watch them. Frisbee, hockey, football....all good.
T is for time you woke up today: 7:15.
U is for underwear you have on now: AE. Polka dots. Cute.
V is for vegetable you love: squash actually.
W is for worst habits: not being vulnerable and opening up to other people. and being depressive.
X is for xrays you've had: Nada.
Y is for something yummy you've eaten today: coffee chocolate chip pancakes. :)
Z is for zodiac sign: scorpio.
B is for beer of choice: I don't choose to drink beer. It's pretty much disgusting.
C is for career right now: I have no career as of now and I have no idea what it will be.
D is for your dog's name: I have no dog. She is dead. But her name was Alicia.
E is for essential item you use every day: my toothbrush.
F is for favorite TV shows: Arrested development, the office, one tree hill
G is for favorite game: hockey :)
H is for hometown: Corona
I is for instruments you play: piano and heartstrings
J is for favorite juice: orange peach mango
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: hm. interesting.
L is for last place you ate: the caf. blegh.
M is for marriage: it is? oh, okay.
N is for your middle name: JaneAnne
O is for overnight hospital stay: I've never done that.
P is for people you were with today: Wow. too many to remember and count actually.
Q is for quote: "Hey, they all start with A! Oh wait, it's alphabetical. Never mind. Just ignore my stupidity."
R is for biggest regret: I don't really have one.
S is for sport: I like to play sports. I also like to watch them. Frisbee, hockey, football....all good.
T is for time you woke up today: 7:15.
U is for underwear you have on now: AE. Polka dots. Cute.
V is for vegetable you love: squash actually.
W is for worst habits: not being vulnerable and opening up to other people. and being depressive.
X is for xrays you've had: Nada.
Y is for something yummy you've eaten today: coffee chocolate chip pancakes. :)
Z is for zodiac sign: scorpio.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
No, I was not tagged
But I'm going to list 25 random things about myself anyway.
1. I actually don't really like blogging all that much. I like the idea of it, but I'm terrible at actually keeping it updated. I figured out that the reason for this is because I cringe at the idea of actually putting anything remotely personal on the internet for everyone to read and I know that some of the issues that I would be trying to vent about or whatever would involve in some way or another people that read my blog. So now I just keep it short and sweet.
2. My mom is one of my best friends ever. Maybe it's lame to have your mom as your best friend, but I don't really care. She's a friend that actually cares about me and makes sacrifices for me. And we can talk about *almost* anything.
3. I have been dying to go to the zoo for over a year now. I found out, after we had stopped going, that I really really like the zoo. And I think I would appreciate it more now that I'm older. Except, of course, for the petting zoo. I hate petting zoos.
4. I keep looking up places to transfer. Maybe I'm just a flake, maybe I'm completely unmotivated, but part of me just really wants to get out of California. Of course, there are reasons behind that too, but see #1 as far as personal things go. :) I am restless. I want to wander and be free.
5. I want to live on a large piece of land in a old house. This land would preferrably have a small stream, some woods, open land on which to ride quads on, a place to have a garden, large trees to hang rope swings, and a house big enough to hold a lot of children.
6. My two dream jobs after graduating college? Nanny and assistant to a wedding planner. Lofty dreams, I know.
7. I hate being a messy person. I can't help being messy, but then it makes me depressed and tired. So I try to not be messy. And then I'm messy again. It's a vicious cycle.
8. I thirst for adventure. I want so badly to drop out of school and live free and unhindered with a best friend or two for a couple years and then settle down. But with freedom in my blood, who knows whether I'd ever be able to calm down again?
9. I feel guilty often. Most often for things I can't control and for reasons I can't explain. If someone is angry or upset, I feel guilty. If something doesn't go right for someone, I feel guilty. I think it's some sort of responsibility complex, but all I know is that it's exhausting.
10. I can't make small talk for the life of me. I am terrible at it. If I could just jump into a serious conversation with someone about life and related things, then I would be okay. But it's this meaningless chatter that makes me awkward and uncomfortable.
11. I really miss playing sports now that I'm in college.
12. I wish Joanna lived in California and not Illinois. I miss her a lot.
13. I have grand plans for my life and for my summer and I really really want them to work out. It might make my life feel a little more in place than it has been feeling.
14. I really need to let God take control of my life. And actually take control, not just watch me screw everything up.
15. I should be less emo-sounding. Because I'm really not emo. :) See?
16. I like to think I have good fashion sense. I give fashion advice to my sisters and to some of my friends. And yet, for some reason, I have never made it on America's Next Top Model. Weird.
17. I don't have nearly as low of self-esteem as I pretend to. I like the way I look. I just like to say that I think I'm ugly so I don't sound egotistical. But here I am, coming out of the self-deprecating closet, saying, "I like myself. And I mean that in the most humble way possible."
18. I really want a baby. I know I have to wait for a husband and all that, and don't worry, I'm not going to be going around stealing anybody's baby, but I want a baby. Just not right now while I'm school. So I guess I don't really want one right now, but I will say that I'm super excited for when I can actually have one of my own.
19. I think it would tons of fun to open up a small cafe/bakery someday. Probably more work than I expect, but the idea is fun. Right?
20. I. Love. Christmas. I love Christmas more than any other holiday. Except I don't really care that much about the day. I just love the season. The trees, the lights, the eggnog, the holiday spirit, I am in love with it all. I don't love the consumerism, the spending, the greediness. I plan on changing that for me and my family.
21. I can talk a lot. And really fast.
22. If I could be anyone else in the entire world, I would be Anne of Green Gables. I love those books and those movies. Favorites for sure.
23. I don't really like religion or church right now. I love God and Jesus and I'm really trying to further my relationship with Him and live my life as His disciple, but church and religion? Not so great for me right now.
24. I never wear jewelry. I don't really like it. And I always forget. And then if I do have a piece that I like, it's usually cheap and turns my skin green. So I just never wear jewelry. It's part of my life plan that involves simplifying myself. Now I wear way less makeup, no jewelry, and just scrunch my hair and go. It's much faster and easier, trust me.
25. Someday, I want to write a novel. I feel like if I got a stellar story line to just fall into my lap, I'd have a much easier time of it. But that hasn't happened, so here I am. Just writing little lists on my blog and dreaming of better days.
1. I actually don't really like blogging all that much. I like the idea of it, but I'm terrible at actually keeping it updated. I figured out that the reason for this is because I cringe at the idea of actually putting anything remotely personal on the internet for everyone to read and I know that some of the issues that I would be trying to vent about or whatever would involve in some way or another people that read my blog. So now I just keep it short and sweet.
2. My mom is one of my best friends ever. Maybe it's lame to have your mom as your best friend, but I don't really care. She's a friend that actually cares about me and makes sacrifices for me. And we can talk about *almost* anything.
3. I have been dying to go to the zoo for over a year now. I found out, after we had stopped going, that I really really like the zoo. And I think I would appreciate it more now that I'm older. Except, of course, for the petting zoo. I hate petting zoos.
4. I keep looking up places to transfer. Maybe I'm just a flake, maybe I'm completely unmotivated, but part of me just really wants to get out of California. Of course, there are reasons behind that too, but see #1 as far as personal things go. :) I am restless. I want to wander and be free.
5. I want to live on a large piece of land in a old house. This land would preferrably have a small stream, some woods, open land on which to ride quads on, a place to have a garden, large trees to hang rope swings, and a house big enough to hold a lot of children.
6. My two dream jobs after graduating college? Nanny and assistant to a wedding planner. Lofty dreams, I know.
7. I hate being a messy person. I can't help being messy, but then it makes me depressed and tired. So I try to not be messy. And then I'm messy again. It's a vicious cycle.
8. I thirst for adventure. I want so badly to drop out of school and live free and unhindered with a best friend or two for a couple years and then settle down. But with freedom in my blood, who knows whether I'd ever be able to calm down again?
9. I feel guilty often. Most often for things I can't control and for reasons I can't explain. If someone is angry or upset, I feel guilty. If something doesn't go right for someone, I feel guilty. I think it's some sort of responsibility complex, but all I know is that it's exhausting.
10. I can't make small talk for the life of me. I am terrible at it. If I could just jump into a serious conversation with someone about life and related things, then I would be okay. But it's this meaningless chatter that makes me awkward and uncomfortable.
11. I really miss playing sports now that I'm in college.
12. I wish Joanna lived in California and not Illinois. I miss her a lot.
13. I have grand plans for my life and for my summer and I really really want them to work out. It might make my life feel a little more in place than it has been feeling.
14. I really need to let God take control of my life. And actually take control, not just watch me screw everything up.
15. I should be less emo-sounding. Because I'm really not emo. :) See?
16. I like to think I have good fashion sense. I give fashion advice to my sisters and to some of my friends. And yet, for some reason, I have never made it on America's Next Top Model. Weird.
17. I don't have nearly as low of self-esteem as I pretend to. I like the way I look. I just like to say that I think I'm ugly so I don't sound egotistical. But here I am, coming out of the self-deprecating closet, saying, "I like myself. And I mean that in the most humble way possible."
18. I really want a baby. I know I have to wait for a husband and all that, and don't worry, I'm not going to be going around stealing anybody's baby, but I want a baby. Just not right now while I'm school. So I guess I don't really want one right now, but I will say that I'm super excited for when I can actually have one of my own.
19. I think it would tons of fun to open up a small cafe/bakery someday. Probably more work than I expect, but the idea is fun. Right?
20. I. Love. Christmas. I love Christmas more than any other holiday. Except I don't really care that much about the day. I just love the season. The trees, the lights, the eggnog, the holiday spirit, I am in love with it all. I don't love the consumerism, the spending, the greediness. I plan on changing that for me and my family.
21. I can talk a lot. And really fast.
22. If I could be anyone else in the entire world, I would be Anne of Green Gables. I love those books and those movies. Favorites for sure.
23. I don't really like religion or church right now. I love God and Jesus and I'm really trying to further my relationship with Him and live my life as His disciple, but church and religion? Not so great for me right now.
24. I never wear jewelry. I don't really like it. And I always forget. And then if I do have a piece that I like, it's usually cheap and turns my skin green. So I just never wear jewelry. It's part of my life plan that involves simplifying myself. Now I wear way less makeup, no jewelry, and just scrunch my hair and go. It's much faster and easier, trust me.
25. Someday, I want to write a novel. I feel like if I got a stellar story line to just fall into my lap, I'd have a much easier time of it. But that hasn't happened, so here I am. Just writing little lists on my blog and dreaming of better days.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Create
I feel like I should be doing something creative right now. I don't know what. A novel is too long, and I'm really not that creative. But I feel like I should go be creative. Maybe with my life? Maybe I'm just feeling aimless because I'm almost done with school. Actually, I really should go be creative with the paper that I have to write.... Nah. I want to do something lovely. I wish the coffee shop fire was on so I could drink hot chocolate and sit by it and talk. Maybe I should just write a really long detailed letter. Okay, that sounds nice.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Simplicity
What happened to high school and the sweet, simple days there? Friendships were just that--uncomplicated, true friendships. I knew who my friends were and I knew where we stood. There was no backstabbing, gossiping, or overanalyzation. Just sleepovers filled with laughter and fun times filled with phileo love. I wish I hadn't taken it for granted.
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